Being Cynical™: January 2012

Our Media Needs A Radical Change

Published on: Sunday, January 29, 2012 // India, Losers, Media, Nepotism, Politics, Public Interest

Not police reforms, not our pathetic food security bill. Neither our nonexistent education system or defense and foreign policies. What that needs some radical change on priority is our Media. The fourth estate of the world’s largest democracy is acting comical for some time and it is only obligatory that proper renovations are done to make it look more mature, genuine and most important stay focused on the real issues on hand than going around like a bunch of school kids and start howling every time their tiffin boxes are attacked.

If you don’t consider magazines like ‘Mayapuri’ or ‘Madhur Kahaniya’ are good enough examples of print media then you can safely strikeout India TV, Live TV and to some extent even Aaj Tak from the list when I say Media as a whole. They are a casualty on the image of Indian Media which is surprisingly allowed and endured in our country for years together; and they best be left to run their regular Tendua expedition, extraterrestrial objects or what Sani Maharaj has to say on daily basis. As anyway, clowns should never be taken seriously or brought into context of any serious discussion.

Coming back to the point. Once one of my friend disclosed his disbelief on how I can spend hours together only watching News channels on TV; to which I replied – ‘I love whatever that is handmade’. The news that we see on TV now-a-days is more off an effort at fabricating a mole and build a mountain out of it. Most of the time the news item that runs on our channels outlive the issue itself and we end up being fed with enough artificial ingredients which could lead to some impending mental poisoning. Nonissues are endeavored hard to make an issue of it, which are far from addressing the interest of an average Indian and in all sense looks more bizarre than IIPM’s claim of them being one of the best business schools of India.

For a starter; while I have all my sympathy for the couple who were forced to part away with their kids by the Norwegian authorities for reasons best known to gray heads in the government; does it anyway a news of that magnitude that every time I switch on to my news channel, I have this drumming on the idiot box? Being one of our citizens the couple’s plight must be aired so that the powers that be at our end must take adequate cognizance and steps be taken to end the plight; but airing the same every half an hour isn’t a bit aggrandizement? This looks even more illogical when our media houses jump the gun and start questioning the intent of a sovereign nation, more so when we ourselves react like a leech sprinkled with salt every time some foreign media does the same against our nation or our intent. If plight of parents who are forced to stay away from their children is a paramount issue, then why not air the plight of the prostitutes whose children were forcefully taken away by the brothel owners so that the mother continues to serve the clients fulltime without wasting a second on her children. Why not air the story that regularly of a poor tribal widow of Bastar who had to part away with her six month old kid as selling the child was her last and only avenue for survival. Why not air the story of our children of the slum who were on regularity forced to the world of crime or flesh trade (depending on the gender)? Why only the children of an NRI take center stage while million others just doesn’t fit into the scheme of things? Is it the economic stature of the aggrieved calls the shot or is it the plain and simple reason of our media going the glamor way like Bollywood? No substance but a lot of showoffs?

Since when a rape has become a national news? Even though the act is condemnable with all severity and calls for exemplary punishment for the perpetrators; is it big enough to run it on primetime for a month long period? There are thousand rapes goes around the country and none gets the edge barring selected few. Just because a rape happened to be little high-profile (not sure how rapes can be categorized) and committed in the national capital region, it shouldn’t anyway be more heinous and shameful than the one that happened at the remote corner of Himachal Pradesh. How the rape of a rag picker in Dadar station is anyway different and less important from the so called white Maruti gang rape of Dhaula Kuan? But our media focuses on cases where mileage can be drawn and candlelight marches could be called for. Certainly a Prithivraj Chauhan won’t be needed to stand up before the cameras and explain the rape of Dadar station while Madam Shiela Dixit might just have to for the Dhaula Kuan incident as that is what our media houses want so that they can display their pseudo sympathy for the Northeast people. How can you use the plight of a woman to propagate your false propaganda and some nasty TRP?

Manslaughter is a heinous crime and must be dealt with iron fist. But not only the murder of Arushi Talwar, as our beloved media thinks to be. It is since a good two years the homicide committed but our media is yet to get rid of their hangover. The immaculate coverage was so minute that we ended up even seeing the recorded clip of the polygraph tests conducted on few of the many suspects. While it is an open-and-shut case, in all probability of being an honor killing nature, our media goes over the hill in narrating each and every step of what has, could and might or might not have happened that fateful night while criminalizing one individual or the other every second day. That is overdoing, more than the veracity of the dissatisfaction of Ishant Sharma after getting bowled as if he is at par in techniques with a certain Rahul Dravid. Why can’t our media leave the dead at ease and let the law takes its course and concentrate on other murders happening in hundreds across the nation; if covering murder stories at minute level is that all left for our vibrant media to accomplish? If so then why not focus on the murders that is going around under the thick wrap of political vendetta? Why not highlight the murder of that honest forest officer who stood up to defend the wildlife going to the poachers? Why only concentrate on Arushi, just because your studios are in and around NOIDA, you can’t just run around with a camera to feed us with how many people sneeze on daily basis in Delhi. This is again overdoing the duty of nation protection when you leave bigger scavengers aside and cover petty cases as if your lives hang in balance.

As if having rustic content is not good enough an irritation, then look at the amount of paid news that goes around in our media. Pioneer in selling themselves and their moral is a certain broadcaster named NDTV. Not only NDTV but every media in India is sold to one political party or the other.

While media should remain as neutral as Manmohan Sing is towards Hindu’s plight, we rather see them getting their hands dirty in vindictive politics. Everyday NDTV runs a program or two on the wrong (as minimal as petty corruption in the state government offices) that is going in Gujarat while conveniently forgetting the starving and jobless of Andhra Pradesh. A fart of Rahul Gandhi is showcased as a decisive accomplishment towards the national growth and a game changer moment while successful implementation of Sarva Sikshya Aviyan in Karnataka is no big achievement. ‘Muslims have the first right to natural resources’ is a path breaking statement towards uniting India while Narendra Modi offering prayer in the neighborhood temple is communal.

Debates are organized in dozens to argue if Apex court’s virtual clean chit to Modi is justified or not but no debate on what Rahul Gandhi (front runner in protecting the nation from evils like Modi, Mayawati, Hindus, Saffron terror, Temples, BJP and RSS) was doing when nation was getting looted in the name of CWG. A cracker going off in some corner is the onset of the biggest danger for national security in the form of Saffron terror while in rest, real terrorisms seems to have nothing to do with any religion whatsoever. The examples are in millions which are materialized vehemently to get that non-deserving Padma award while genuine and honest journalism can go for a walk.

Why our media always takes up the negative trait? Why there is a close nexus between outright foolishness and our media houses? Why all that matters for the nation like poverty, hunger, low literacy rate, female feticide are never in the radar of our media that often than what petty issues of local importance are? Need some change there in a hurry as media is not there to take sides or get biased but to show news as it is. No manipulation, fabrication or modifications. Shouldn’t it?

Our Democracy At The Crossroad

Published on: Friday, January 27, 2012 // Dirty Tricks, India, Jokers, Losers, Nepotism, Politicians, Politics, Pride, Public Interest

Didn’t we have our 63^rd Republic Day yesterday? Didn’t we again rejoice it like Kenya cricket team after beating Pakistan in the World cup? Didn’t we get our chest impelling hard after seeing our lion hearts strutting through the Janpath, harder than what we used to have after seeing a mini skirt clad girl in a mall? Didn’t our drunkard politicians caught licking their lips feverishly at the very mention of the state’s name when Goa’s Tableaus passed through the Salami Manch? And last but not the least, didn’t we get pissed off after seeing our brave hearts saluting a lady so disgracing to be the chief of our armed forces; more so when she supplanted a true son of the soil like A.P.J.Abdul Kalam?

Now that we succeeded in hoodwinking ourselves once again with that deceitful sense of patriotism; (a blog of mine on last year’s Republic Day getting the maximum hit yesterday) won’t it be only appropriate that we should pause for a moment and introspect if we really need to celebrate so rapaciously after deceiving ourselves once again and that too for 63 years on the trot?

I am not going the route where many dispute it to be not the real Republic Day but otherwise since a certain gentleman named Jawaharlal Nehru efficaciously managed to sell his snake oil to the nation a good sixty three years back. That’s a controversy best be left unobstructed as it might just amount as an insult of our constitution (even if it is snake oil) and I don’t ineludibly fancy to be at the wrath of downright worthless and hopeless creatures like Kapil Sibal.

That said, the paramount question still need to be asked today – have we really achieved what we should have in the sixty three years of our official egalitarianism? A figure of a third of us going to bed famished every day and the basic human necessities are far away from a major section of our populace for sure makes the likely answer to be a big NO. Has the constitution, the realization of which we celebrate through this majestic parade, has served the nation as it was envisaged to? Not either. The false notion of ‘Equality To All’ that we are told our constitution vouches from page one to page last is least being seen orchestrated which speaks volume of the misnomer between what was promised and what is delivered. Those who beg to differ on this point be advised to scavenge through the history and figure out, how many politicians till date are taken to task by our law for their nefarious acts and match it against the many of those who are languishing in jail for stealing a kilo of rice, because seeing their kids starving was too backbreaking to tolerate. Where the hell is the equality here? Kalmadi after looting the nation with both his hands and legs was allowed to move free where a poor revenue stamp seller packed behind bars for two years for selling the same as he doesn’t had the adequate authorization to do so.

And Boy, what about the first preamble of our constitution where it starts with ‘We The People’? Where the hell are these people whom the constitution was dedicated to? We don’t see them anywhere anymore. Do we? What that we instead see is the lot least on the radar of our politicians (our constitution thrust them upon us), politics, democracy or even governance are the same people which our constitution coined as supreme and owner of the state. People’s voices were never accounted on Jan Lokpal as it went against a certain Rahul Gandhi’s so called game changer ideas and the dirty tricks department worked overtime to show the middle finger to the wishes of the same people who perhaps made them win their elections. The same people are vehemently termed as antinational and unpatriotic if they persist with their uncomfortable questions. And what we hear if we still persist with our demand for answers? Ornamental nonsense like ‘Elected and Electable’ from clowns like Manish Tiwari who any given day could be a huge casualty for human thought process.

Where the hell is ‘We The People’ and when they were last taken seriously, if it is not election time?

Leave aside the constitution and the unimplemented proselytization laced in it. Look at the day-to-day manifestation and subversion of democracy that is more rampant than the number of rapes in Delhi. People devote a fortune and fight for donkey’s years for justice and what they get in their hands at the end of the day? Criminals like Vikas Yadav and Manu Sharma have their temporary parole applications hopping the queue with showering of some non-required out-of-turn courtesies to let them have their time for merrymaking, only to be apprehended again when media houses play images of their strong affinity towards honoring all the pubs in the city. Petty politicians were seen slapping one and all if their demands are not addressed at the earliest. Be it the Bank Manager who refuses to approve a false loan or that honest election official who refuses to budge and sticks to the rule book. All were manhandled by our pathetic political class well in front of the cameras and yet been taken to task for such act of hooliganism. Honest people like Satyendra Dube and Sanmughan Manjunath lose their lives on daily basis for showing respect to the very constitution and we are long from punishing the scoundrels of the crime yet.

Look how competent our democracy and our constitution is when it comes to protecting itself. A joker with his team and bosses sitting across the border not only planed to attack the very emblem of our republic but managed to execute it and we were left to fend for answers and a decade down the line look more confused than a toddler in a topless bar. We lost few of our brave-men in the process but their deaths are yet to be accounted for. If the attack was not a shame good enough, look how we have acted against the perpetrators. The mastermind of the vendetta is still enjoying our hospitality in Tihar while we run around like headless chickens and throw some never heard ‘First-Come, First-Serve’ tantrums. This is how strong our foundation blocks are, which are in all probability even weaker than the CWG stadia. Appeasement for votebank takes center stage even in matters involving national security and national pride and we end up becoming a laughing stock all over the world.

Where is our justice system with that never executed statement ‘Justice delayed is justice denied’?

The examples are many. But yet we celebrate our foundation day so colorfully which would even scare the daylight out of the Rio Carnival organizers. What are we celebrating and for which credible reasons? For going exactly tangent to what we are dictated to follow by our constitution perhaps.

On a lighter note; can’t we have a Tableaus passing the parade with people like Karuna, Lalu, Mulayam, Achutanandan, Deve Gowda, N.D.Tiwari, Kalmadi, Madhu Koda, A.Raja, Pashwan, Mayawati, Digvijay Sing on it or are these guys reserved to go straight to the museum? And dear Election Commissioner, can we for once demand for a more realistic Tableaus next time showing electoral candidates offering free liquor to the voters while the ruffians surrounding them instead?

The Oprah Orgasm

Published on: Wednesday, January 25, 2012 // Humor, India, Jokers, Losers, Public Interest

I am not against indorsing our Tourism ministry’s evangelization of “Atithi Devo Bhaba”. It is the irregularity in the enactment that concerns me to a great degree and makes me giggle for the rest. Aren’t we the same set of people who rape a hapless foreign traveler in our Taxi while ferrying her from the Airport to a nearby hotel while at the same time we cocker-hook a lot the moment a so called luminary from the west puts his/her ass in the flight bound to our part of the world? Why we are not that fervent for “Atithi Devo Bhaba” while we encroach upon the poor unknown individual for no ostensible reason? How our gauge of hospitality shifts dramatically at the sight of a so called celebrity flummoxes me a bit.

I am all for being exultant at the arrival of a guest at the doorstep, as it is about time that we change the perception of INDIA being used as an acronym for ‘I Won’t Do It Again’. But going over the hills as if we all are blessed with a grandson each is a little too much for digestion. Sorry Hajmola, you were of no help either.

Look at how we behaved like complete insane when a certain Oprah Winfrey came here last week. For the passé she stayed here our so called clownish media kept us appraising every bit of info that can possibly be shared of the lady. Except what she has put as in underwear, rest all is being gaged through our throats, as if we as a nation collectively have got nothing better and imperative to do. From her sojourn at the Taj; to her so called chit chat with the individuals on the street. Everything was aired as if otherwise people would have filed millions of RTI applications to get hold of the info later. From how she loved the Puri-Bhaji combo in the morning to her distinct liking for Mumbai Pani-Puri; we even were lucky enough to be suckled with that also. And yes, we were also told, just because Oprah decided to cloak one, how our very own Saree was honored to a level that would even force Vatican to drop something called sainthood. If any stone was left unturned by our media, individual soft porn writers like Sobha Dey did the rest when they kept on twitting (even when they were in the loo) their set of information till a point Blackberry CEO said ‘That’s It’. I am quitting my job.

Now the query is why we are so theatric at the arrival of a guest from outside? Making the guest feel like being at home is treasured but to cross the line of self-respect and start acting as if we have only found our identity in the world map now since this celebrity came here and shit in one of our posh hotels, is way too much. These reactions become more annoying when a majority part of our population care rat’s posterior for one Oprah Winfrey as a starter and even less, whether she visits India or not. So why such Hullabaloo for a person who cease to be nonexistent for a nation like ours where there are far more serious things to debate and ponder upon? How in earth the lady’s visit and her subsequent hobnobbing with Bolywood double entrants would help the commonalities who are still recouping from the stinker from Australia? How in earth it affects me as a creature who really hates people with big asses? How in earth it would make any difference to all if she is the one who would familiarize Amitab Bachhan’s granddaughter to the world or for that matter the disseminated snapshot of Anupam Kher alongside her and aberrantly looking at something else he strictly shouldn’t? I mean why the hell in the daybreak the first thing my newspaper would greet me, is with the news of Oprah Winfrey’s indebtedness on our family and traditional values? Didn’t I know this before? Did you say I would be sentient only because Oprah said so?

Even if Oprah is putative to be the reincarnation of lord Vishnu to troupe upon us and will remind us of our true values; it would still be pleasant if someone from the ‘Oprah will mesmerize’ unit could intricate her precise contribution towards India? Has she done anything tenuously vivacious for us that we should lose our collective shit by the very mention of her name?

People like Barkha Dutt are a notch ahead when it comes to shameless display of identity crisis and pioneer at self sodomy. In one of her cozy interview sessions at Jaipur Litfest she was seen almost undulating on the floor sniggering on the gags cracked by Oprah on India, Indians, our traffic lights, our driving sense and hell even our farting style. While most of the utilitarian lot would find Oprah’s comments more than just repugnance, strangely clowns like Ms.Dutt heavily encumbered with that grubby colonial mindset find it otherwise. They even find humor in the insult of the nation just because a certain Oprah Winfrey inflicted those insults. Can’t have a better example of us as a nation being badly bitten by that impudence bug.

I am not sure if people in USA would be wetting their pants laughing when encountered with a joke from SRK cracked on Americans, their nonexistence family values, the number of porn movies they make or even their strong affinity towards war. SRK apprehended at the Newark airport or A.P.J Abdul Kalam being searched at Boston and the response to our celebrities in that part of the planet is complete. On a second thought; no qualms on what happened to SRK. The traitor deserves this for obvious reasons.

Hope we would resurrect ourselves to at least a level where we won’t cogitate ourselves to be so browbeaten that an individual with some kind of celebritydom would elevate us to grander pinnacles by just paying a visit to our country. We are a great nation of our own in every sense, which also includes being genuinely, warm towards our visitants but that doesn’t mean we laugh at the jokes or experiences cracked by the celebrity which more or less insults our nation and national ego at large. By the way, I hope Oprah in her next show would talk about the new found beggars of the Wall Street and let us have some laugh by cracking some nauseating jokes, much the way she joked at the Mumbai Traffic signal vendors. In the meanwhile, please someone take this lady Barkha Dutt out of air. She is rapidly looking like a eunuch in a marriage party and in all sense pissing me off.

The Shoe That Caught India Off-guard

Published on: Tuesday, January 24, 2012 // Corruption, Crooks, India, Losers, Politicians, Politics, Public Interest

Admonish Muntadhar al-Zaidi who thought this just another affectionate way to let know the ecosphere how he was pissed off with one dogmatic leader and clinched it apposite to hurl his shoes at George W Bush Jr. When I have all freedom to postulate him for such act of vehemence, I should also congratulate him in all inviolability and mature sense of observation at the same time; for he just did the right thing when he decided to shame one and all gold medal winners of the shooting range. That said, I must also censure him for encouraging a large section of Indians to follow his foot steps and repeat the manifestation once in every fifteen days and hurl their footwear at our political class. Well not entirely political though as Yoga Gurus have their fair share of the treatment as well.

Over a period of last couple of years since the black leather just missed Bush by a hairsbreadth we saw from Advani to Omar Abdhulla; from Naveen Jindal to Sachin Pilot; From Suresh Kalmadi to Chidambaram; all were been at the receiving end of this All-India shoe hurling parishioners. While almost all political parties (OK I should have articulated colony of clowns. My apologies) are floundering in the dark for reasons to accredit such felony of extreme human expression, I see a trend in that. The trend is simple but self-explanatory – our so called middle class has concluded that they haven’t gained anything from the political class in the last 65 years of liberation and it is time that such vindicated repugnance is made public. Charlatan politicians who were always seen pander in looting one and all are finally getting their share of recompense in the form the general mass knows best to pay back and amazingly yet the wags fail to see the bold writings on the wall. If the message were not too clear yet to our political class, then the latest shoe hurled at Rahul Gandhi in Dehradun, just cassatas the underneath vehemence beyond any distrust.

Not only the shoes which are drumming the headlines. There are instances of odd slaps been executed with some profanity. The notable among the many are the couple that landed on Sarad Pawar’s cheeks. While many (including me) could argue this latest attempt at public humiliation being just befitting and long due, it still can’t take away the underneath impatience that is plundering the middle class. In revolt, the Chelas of the world can go on a rampage on the roads all the while stoning few private vehicles or burning few state transport corporation buses and call for a Bandh or two; Sreesanth can sob his way to his hotel room but one can’t certainly write off the wrapped fact entirely – A Slap speaks louder than thousand words.

Now that plentiful shoes and slippers are squandered in the process, can we brush them aside as an act of a disturbed mind and move on? Well we can if we are too scared to look at the real reasons for such distasting acts. The resentment within all that they are time and again hoodwinked by our political class and time and again backstabbed for their innocence is the primary reason for such rejoinders. The amount of loot that is going around while half of the nation struggle to arrange a decent square meal per day are just examples of few of the many reasons which are getting stored as molten lava within everyone. That includes you and me, the so called educated and a little bit affluent class. While we seldom bother for the starving mass we certainly fume like a pregnant Cobra when we see our hard earned money being poached very tersely by a handful of scoundrels.

Everything that been touched by the Government in the name of some developmental work, our money is siphoned more conveniently than Aussie bowling lineup rolling over our batsmen. Such acts become more frustrating when one can’t do much beyond than asking for facts through RTI. Truth be told, the RTI answers angers more than otherwise as the road after that for an average individual is all but close. Rs 4000/- per toilet roll will what the RTI on CWG price chart would greet you. While one would scuffle greatly to digest, how in earth the tissues can cost so much unless it is laced with gold strings, there isn’t much one can do either. While clowns laugh their way to the banks we lesser mortals search our cupboard to get hold of the worst torn out pair to be used as a projectile when a chance is offered.

This discrete helplessness to act authoritatively against the burglary bursts out like a volcano at the very appearance of the looter on public platform. As all are not lucky like the Shrud to reach close enough to land that much awaited slap, the rest resort to act from a distance and boy doesn’t the shoes come handy in this endeavor? The only weapons which even the security agencies can’t deny one to carry turns out to be the common man’s answer to USA’s Scud Missiles.

So rather side kicking the truth, it is time for some realization. Realization that there is enough anger within the common populace. Our cunning political class must introspect than questioning the real motive and hurling political punches at their rivals for stage managing it. These are not just the slippers which are hurled but a sign of revolt. Revolt against all that wrong been long inflected on the citizenry for no apparent fault of theirs. Revolt against the collective loot going on since Pundit Nehru cracked that coconut at the foundation ceremony of Bhakra-Nangal dam. Revolt against that never heard three lakh millions of our money stashed in banks of various countries whose names I was not aware few months back. In nutshell – Revolt against the colony of highway robbers that fill the majority of chairs inside our parliament.

On a second thought, when a third of our population can’t have enough on their plates to eat, the least our political class should accomplish is to eat some torn out slippers at times as a show of solidarity. Shouldn’t they?

Fatwa - What The Hell Is That?

Published on: Saturday, January 21, 2012 // Crooks, Jokers, Losers, Public Interest, Religion, Uneducated

I am asking this with some conviction and of course for a reason. The question becomes more imperative when I see Muslim clergy across the globe issuing one Fatwa or the other at the drop of a hat and call for the ban of one thing or the other or even worse encourage taking someone’s life or hurl slippers at someone in reward of some prize money.

Be it against any book which has the remote mention of the letters I, M, Q, P and A or even against the undergarment manufacturer if the garment doesn’t carry their balls properly; there is always a Fatwa for the taking. The application of such call for violent and unethical action, has such wide range of reasons against humans, gays, lesbians, books, dogs, cats, pigs, television, internet, sports, yoga, national flag, national anthem and but limited to even Bande Maataram. In nutshell; to be rather generic it seems there is a problem with almost everything under the sun. Now one wonders if there is any minimum threshold outlined in the holly book which should demand for such fifteenth century activity.

A little Googling throws some stimulating relics. One of them is – ‘All that which is against Islam or against the proselytization of the holy book can be so called Fatwaed’. If that so then the usage of Fatwa becomes more bothersome. Looking at the number of Fatwas that been dispensed till now, in all probability it looks like everything that you see around you, both living or otherwise are against Islam. That is a very dangerous precedence when the entire globe; dogs, cats, pigs included, bundle up to machinate against a particular religion. It could be contrived but I just can’t help myself asking; if it is a case where we see the entire world has a nasty vendetta against a particular religion or is it the other way? Because as far as I am concerned – ‘The whole world can’t be wrong’. If you feel every second peripatetic person on the street has some hidden agenda against you and a threat to your religion then you have some serious problem with yourself mate. I would rather advise you to Look within and rectify yourself than issuing Fatwa against every third human, second book and fourth animal.

For starters, just look how a section of our society lost its collective shit; no sooner Salman Rushdie announced his intention of attending Jaipur Literary Fest. A lot of hawks spring into action quicker than Sarad Pawar at the prospect of some loot money and Fatwas were issued left-right-and-center. Knives were out before even Rushdie could complete the word ‘Literary Fest’ in his Tweet. Threats were hurled at some alarming speed and a clownish lot went ahead asking the government to revoke Rushdie’s VISA. Lot of hot air was blown and a lot of public farting accomplished. And hell, all this for what? Because the author of perhaps the most contentious book ever written wanted to pay a visit to his country of origin, which he has done quite a number of times after the ban. It was really funny. Well funny could be as less a comparison as Highway Robber to Suresh Kalmadi though.

While the latest revolt against Rushdie is bizarre, the beginning of this abhorrence against this man was a bigger bizarre. The first time I was honored to hear the word Fatwa was when Salman Rushdie was slapped with one for writing something called Satanic Verses. The accusations that time were grave. He was alleged to have insulted Islam, Muslims and Prophet himself, all-in-one go by just writing the book.

Even though, how fair it is to conclude Rushdie’s blasphemy for his literary work is questionable, the reaction of the Muslim community across the globe back then, without even caring to read a single page of the book is for sure facetious. Forget the book, even those who might not have seen how the cover of the book looks like were seen all over the place and burning effigies of Rushdie perhaps without even knowing who this bloke Rushdie is. This very act of following the mob without knowing why you are following at the first place is little macabre. That said I am not against any kind of opposition or objection. But there is a clear difference between objection and outright Mafiosi. I am all for, people having difference of opinion and being allowed to voice their concerns, suggestions or objections without anyone of the rest were getting prejudiced. I am all for people agreeing to disagree with grace and mutual respect. But to go ahead and have such strong opinion that you call for someone’s life looks a little codswallop. Stone-age scoundrels like Ayatollah Khomeini didn’t do any good either to the community when they woke up one morning and announced a million dollar booty for anyone who takes down Rushdie. So much detestation for someone just because according to you he insulted a holy book which in all likelihood would be talking about peace and tolerance?

Doesn’t it look a little out of place when the jokers who think themselves as the only set alive and custodians of the book don’t even know what the book has written all over it? Rascals who doesn’t have any respect for life, bigmouth about religion and religious sentiments? That is crazier than Prativa Patil as president of India.

Tashlima Nasreen’s Lajja went through the same fate as she did the exact cardinal mistake of writing about all that could be wrong in Islam. The lady was chased out of Bangladesh and had to run around half of the subcontinent to convince one and all of the cavemen to just read her piece before reacting like starving Hyenas. Her effort turned futile quicker than Jugal Hanshraj’s Bollywood career as none of the idiots agreed to listen to what the lady has to say in her defense. No wonder the poor woman is still living under the cloud of fear and apprehension, and at the same time is been forced to ping-pong between Dhaka and Kolkatta.

Now that a lot of water has already passed under the bridge since these two instances first rock the literati world; we should pause for a moment and ask a very un-parliamentary question – What is this business of banning books and thirst for someone’s life is all about? If the so called perpetrator has committed a crime so loud against the religion that he/she deserves to be killed, then what about the hawks that run around advocating for free killing? I am sure no religion preaches about taking innocent lives. If the holy book which talks about peace and mutual respect is alleged to have been violated by an individual then how come the scoundrels enacting violence in the name of the very book can be tolerated? Won’t it only legitimate that who call themselves as the caretaker of the holy book but act exactly opposite to its teachings need to be eliminated first?; if killing happens to be the only solution for every goddamn difference of opinion.

Honestly, I am still to comprehend the whole idea of mutual hatred in the name of Fatwa. A person having a different opinion is not necessarily against you in the entire sphere. Even if someone is dead against you in all your acts and actions, it still no way justify warranting him to be killed. This is not at all something that can be coined religious. This is outright shamelessness and in clear violation of humanity, sensibility and in all probability against the values of every religion. Islam or for that matter any religion can’t be an individual or a section’s property. Islam is as dear to Khomeini as it possibly is for Rushdie. Criticizing the bad about one’s religion doesn’t make one sacrilegious but calling for someone’s life in the name of religion certainly is.

Scoundrels galore or rather the cocooned clergy community must understand this. The scoundrels must realize that they perhaps are obligating a bigger insult to their own religion by running around with a dagger to take someone’s life than what the alleged writer, singer, painter, boozer, smoker and bullshitter possibly could have committed by his/her actions earlier.

A Looter Let Loose

Published on: Thursday, January 19, 2012 // Corruption, Crooks, CWG, India, Losers, Nepotism, Politicians, Politics, Public Interest

Now that Kalmadi was granted bail by Delhi High Court, our very own Doordarshan should do some community service. At least they should for next twenty four hours warn the citizens of a highway robber being let loose from the clutches of the law, and advise all of an imminent danger as he can strike anyone at any time without furnishing any kind of prior warning whatsoever. “Issued in Public interest”.

This is disgusting for a nation which has the maximum number of hungry people of the world as its constituents, see a collective loot of a flabbergasting amount of eighty thousand crore is systematically covered up with the perpetrator of the loot were allowed to walk free out of the jails.

That said I feel a country whose citizens care more for cast and religion than truth and justice; we deserve this. Now that it is yet again proved that in India looters would never be taken to task with the current set of frameworks, all those who were vehemently opposing Anna and his movement must send flowers to Kalmadi and his cronies for walking out free from Tihar.

Isn’t this shameful when we can’t provide basic facilities like schools, hospitals, community centers, a fool proof grievance redressal platform and many more to our people but yet allow individuals keep on looting the exchequer in the tunes of thousands of crores? If that is not enough, we even don’t act on the scumbags if we by mistake apprehend one of them. We creep a lot about the burden of the financial implication if we have to implement the much needed food security bill. We can’t support our research undertakings as we are told we are running short of funds. We can’t doohickey Right-To-Education in every corner as the money needed to accomplish such herculean task is not with us. We can’t provide bulletproof jackets to our police personnel as the money required to buy such frivolous (as per the government) stuff is too big to afford. We are not able to purchase night vision glasses for our soldiers as the defense ministry is already running short of money. We can’t provide thousands of ours villages an electricity connection, a tap for drinking water or even feeding our starving kids as the cost would be too high to implement. Hell even we can’t build toilets for our girl students in our schools which will ensure a rise in the female literacy. But at the same time expediently allow clowns like Kalmadi to make merry on the pilfered crores of rupees, which otherwise could have been used to accomplish at least few from the above list getting implemented. Perhaps no words of dictionary could possibly describe such larceny and the hypocrisy that is following it for last one year or so.

We are also a set of great actors. Aren’t we? A lot of hot air was blown by one and all when the loot was first detected by a private news channel. But little did all know that time, that it was just the millionth part of the tip of the iceberg that we now know by CWG. The biggest of the hot air came from our own Prime-minister as part of his standard oration that follows immediately after a loot is unearthed. “Culprits won’t be spared”. Really? Now that Kalmadi is a free man, Dr.Sing need to explain, what precisely he meant when he said culprits won’t be spared. And please we are already fed up more than an average prostitute of MG Road to hear the same pathetic lines once again – ‘Law is taking its course, but we assure you all, finally justice would be done.’ This is bloody exactly similar to the act and actions of that Palika Bazar tout who not only swears by the genuineness of the RayBan sun glasses he wants to sell but also goes ahead handing over a forged guarantee certificate of authenticity. And yes we are equally fed up of hearing how you were unaware that Kalmadi was shitting profusely under your own chair till it stared stinking. This is a more bizarre excuse than what the captain of the already sunk Italian cruiseline had to offer after getting arrested for running away well before the ship could sink but explain it to be complete unintentional as he didn’t ran or rather swim away but just toppled from the top deck when he was dangerously leaning below to take a stock of the situation. If someone is aware of any better reasons to issue shoot at sight orders, then please let me know.

For a change this time we need some straight answers to our questions. As a starter, what the hell our grossly inept and indolent CBI was doing all this while? If the courts in their own wisdom had to let Kalmadi take his ass off from the hot fry pan; it is because of our investigating agencies failed despondently to link the dots and frame any credible ground against the muggers. Nine months after the fat elephant was caged, we are back at the square one because our premier investigative agency is either full with exceptionally incompetent people, who can’t even go about doing their jobs professionally or are been guided by the powers that be, all through to make a mess of the investigation so that the real big fishes on the affray are never exposed. In any whichever reason, it is time the whole CBI team is paraded atop wild donkeys with appropriate size Chappal garlands in each city center of India and be slapped left-right-and-center as an effort towards public humiliation.

The whole CBI is a bloody official scam that is going since independence where we see it is been used by the ruling party, either for their personal gain or to beat the shit out of formidable opponents like Narendra Modi. Anna Hazare was bang on the skull when he said an institution like CBI can’t be under any government as they are equally lethargic, corrupt, cunning and good for nothing like the government they are under. Looking at what our CBI did on the behest of their real bosses on the whole Kalmadi farce, Anna seems to have been vindicated on his belief against CBI.

The timing was little suspicious as well. Just when Pune, the constituency of Kalmadi is preparing to go for the civic election, Kalmadi was let lose to pounce upon the anti-Kalmadi Congress faction who were merrymaking until yesterday night for having a free hand for the first time. I pity those jokers as well. Fate shouldn’t be that rotten for anyone; which looks more rotten than our CBI officials landing in Copenhagen covered in overcoats like George Clooney to arrest Kim Davy but find the arrest warrant already expired. That was a unique marvel in the world of criminal investigation procedures which is only expected from CBI to accomplish. I am told, even Nepal investigating chaps rolled on the floor laughing. Coming back to Kalmadi's bail, the question remains; was this a master move from his party to throw this seasoned crosier back in action when the party is struggling greatly to remain stable in Pune? I hope people of Pune would issue some kind of Fatwa on this idiot and vow to slap Kalmadi at the very sight of him.

All-in-all, this is a bad day for us. Bad; not because Kalmadi was allowed to go out, but because, we yet again successfully covered up a huge public money looting burlesque. In connivance with the investigative agencies the crooked circle were yet again efficacious in enforcing their nefarious wish and thrust it upon us. A bad day, because it was proved beyond any qualms that in India scoundrels would never be acted upon as long as they have godfathers in the power circle.

By the way, I am still not able to digest; how in earth a goddamn toilet roll paper can cost Rs 4000/- when we can easily build a whole bio-friendly and portable toilet in the same price which can ensure the sanitation level increases in India. Or maybe the prices could be shooting up exponentially depending on the quality of ass it is destined to wipe.

A Night With The Homeless

Published on: Wednesday, January 18, 2012 // Death, India, Public Interest, Story

It is based on a real life experience….

The daily obscure phenomena called our jobs, our family, our pet, our game of Cricket where India loses more often than otherwise, our car which got a scratch, our geyser not working on a winter morning, our belittling towards the apathy of the Railways to serve us last year’s stale Daal or even our ever pertinent nagging wives; initiatives us to lose the focus on life. The real life where people fight day-in and day-out to meet their basics of survival. A day for many where it starts with a hope of having something to fill their starving stomach by day end and invariably ending with going to bed with exactly the opposite. A day or rather a night where there is nothing over their head to protect them from the excruciating winter that we well groomed feel too pinching, still being inside the comforts of our homes.

Have we ever thought about the millions of homeless who were forced to go through the unachievable task of dulling the ferocious mother nature with nothing much than a hope to survive the winter so that the spring can be a little less cruel? Perhaps not or else we would have already done something for them long back.

The persistent vouching of few media channels to come forward and help those who can’t help themselves, so that the winter goes a little easy on them; I made my bit of exploration to figure out how fair our news channels are when it comes to the plight of the poor or it is just another of those gimmicks where self exaltation and that false sense of déjà vu taking the better of the core ideology of execrating good for the needy.

A night of my adventure to beat the nasty cold at its own backyard, threw across many uncomfortable questions, both morally and in all literal sense physically as well.

On a blasé visit around the city pavements last week, I happened to meet a Rickshaw puller named Iqbal who dwells in and around the station area. Iqbal is from a place called Meerut in Uttar Pradesh and for last eight years had made the city of Pune his second home (without any home of course). On a derisory daily income of Rs 50/-; thanks to the rise in the number of Autorickshaws, he had to survive along with his wife and two kids. The pain and struggle to live another day was all but evident from the very appearance of his.

It was just Ten in the evening and the winter cold was already getting evident. A city like Pune which never had any record of unbearable cold was been thrown out of gear because of some unprecedented cold wave flowing across the north part of our country. A place where the night temperature was regularly going below seven degrees, it was all but uncomfortable to weather the brunt for a family of four who doesn’t have more than just a torn out blanket, donated by someone and less than half filled stomachs.

Iqbal had long parked his Rickshaw in the corner of the pavement which they call their home as no further income for the day insight. The sight of a tiny conflagration going in the middle with his wife and two kids surrounding it to keep a part of their body worm so that they don’t go numb was disheartening. Iqbal, looking around in a jittery to accumulate any abandoned piece of wood or paper so that the fire can be kept lit for as long a period as it can be. No food insight or no preparation to cook something for the night either.

After observing from a distance for a long time I finally did mustered enough courage to go near and try touching the most throbbing part of their sentiments. Have you eaten something? I finally asked. A vacuumed but all expressive eight yes looked at me with a mixture of hope, aspiration and in all probability hate as well. Did I asked something which I shouldn’t have? I wondered. NO - Breaking my thoughts; came a rough and stoned reply. My wife would be going to the nearby Gurdwara soon to see if she can find something to eat from the lunger; an equally stoned elaboration followed, which I am sure was never in want of any eloquence or articulation to justify the inherent pain and dejection laced with each word of it. If she doesn’t find anything? I finally asked after a brief deliberation. The silence that engulfed was suggestive enough of the helplessness of an eventuality that I just put forward.

Can I borrow you some food, I asked, not trying to be too politically correct. Accepting the favor from a complete stranger was not too comforting for the family it seemed. I persisted with my pledge which eventually made Iqbal agree to my offer. An Rs 100/- in his hand he almost ran towards the nearby eatery to pack some food for his already starving kids. The unmentionable details which I am confident the words would fail miserably to elaborate the satisfaction of having some food right in front of them to eat, should rather be left undetailed. I never disturbed the family in their dinner and went away for a smoke.

Just when I was about to move out, a gentle ‘Thank You’ from the stoned voice made me look back. I didn’t even tried to say ‘My Pleasure’, as I somewhere felt ashamed to say this to a fellow countryman of mine for whom the country, the government and most important all of us have done absolutely nothing. Perhaps Iqbal thought of opening his heart out to me on his suffering and plight against the favor of mine. Perhaps he wanted to pay back the debt the best way he can at that present moment. It took a good half an hour for him to elaborate his painful journey from Meerut to Pune via Delhi where he lost his only son due to the bitter Delhi cold. Let me not elaborate his other plights in detail as it not only would disturb me, but sure would disturb many others and as it is I don’t errand too much in interfering in someone’s privacy and pain. But overall the details were grossly disconcerting; let me assure you of that.

It was well into midnight when I left the family on the pavement and let them prepare to go to bed barely covering themselves in that torn out blanket. Well it is just a city pavement for all of us where as it is the very lifeline for Iqbal and many like him.

On my way back, what that crossed my mind was – can’t we the so called affluent of the society do something for them? Well the answer is a big YES. As a starter, can’t we donate our unused winter wears and blankets to those who don’t have anything to wear, let alone any warm wear? Our individual minimalistic effort may seem inadequate, but as they ‘HOW LITTLE IT MAY BE, WE CAN STILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE’. A difference where we can see our own men not at least dying of cold; just because they don’t have a roof on their head. Want to help? Below is where you can ping in. Please, we are not that inconsiderate; are we?

Concern India Foundation

240, MG Road

Camp, Pune

Landmark – Above V Mukesh & Company

Phone – 020- 41315326/32343942

Hungry India

Published on: Monday, January 16, 2012 // Corruption, India, Losers, Nepotism, Politicians, Politics, Public Interest

If you thought only Ramgopal Verma’s movies are scary, then let me change your perception right away. If the information makes you spill your morning tea then don’t blame me. Whom to blame, I would elaborate later.

According to the latest Global Hunger Index (GHI) at least 230 million of Indians go hungry daily. Hang-on, I am not done yet. 21% of our population are undernourished; nearly 44% of under-5 aged children are underweight with 7% of them die before they reach five years. If you feel that is it, then the answer is NO. There is more to follow. 72% of our infants are anemic with 52% of our young mothers are in the same anemic brigade. Roughly, in the world hunger index we are only better positioned against nations like Congo, Chad, Ethiopia, Burundi or Somalia while worse than Sudan, North Korea, Nepal or even Pakistan. Even though the infant mortality rate has decreased since 1990, there is actually a steady rise of hungry people in the same period. Honestly, whichever way we may slice and dice it to cover the bitter truth, the shameful realty is inescapable – India is home to the largest number of hungry humans, handsomely contributing a quarter of the estimated 820 million in the whole world.

If that is not enough a jolt, the bleaker scenario is the steady rise of malnourished pregnant women. Depriving the developing fatuous of its required amount of protein, in a way we are literally ensuring the birth of malnourished children to start with. So as a double whammy, we not only continue to allow people to go hungry and malnourished, which is not just a misery for them; it is also the future generations of India that is precariously hanging in balance.

Now that we have firmly established ourselves as one of the world’s most hunger-ridden countries; how we should celebrate the achievement? Perhaps shout in utter derision – “Superpower? My A@#”.

Whom to blame? There are many to be honest. First culprit in the list could certainly be our pathetic Public Distribution System (PDS). That said, the system itself is run by people and before blaming the framework we must pound hard on the thugs who are assigned with the task of smooth and fair implementation. And who is at the helm of PDS? No mark for guessing as it is the crook himself – Sarad Pawar.

Many might be remembering the disturbing footage doing the rounds on various news channels where food stocked in many FCI godowns were shown rotting with rodents making a merry or worse canines finding the nonchalantly spread of wheat and rice as a warmer place to lazy around. And what was the bloody excuse? There are some serious problem in supply-chain mechanism and lack of storage space. No wonder the disquieting footage made our Apex court to come heavy on our

Agriculture and Food and Civil Supply ministry and ordered them to pull up their socks. I guess Sarad Pawar took the idiom in literal sense as was seen at the inauguration ceremony of IPL the next day putting on that complete mismatch of a red pair of socks, really pulled up. If those nasty pair of red socks were not enough befuddling for those searching for the half clad cheer girls; his reactions on Apex court order, certainly were. And what he has to say - ‘What our Apex court wishes is not possible and more off it is just an advice, not an order’. Really? Now you know Pawar Bhau, what it was when the Apex court again came heavier on you for childishly mistaking their order as a simple observation. By the way, I am convinced the slap of the Shrud on Sarad Pawar’s cheeks is more than just befitting.

For certain, people like Sarad Pawar don’t want the rotting wheat and rice to reach the plates of those million hungry, as it would disturb their greed. A fully functioning PDS would ensure that people like Pawar and his stooges lose heavy on the money they are garnering through their nefarious black marketing in the Marathwad part of Maharashtra. A freely available of goods in government authorized ration shops would virtually kill the avenue of highway robbery where cronies of him suck the living daylights of the poor of the region. Apex court can very well go for a walk, if that may require but we are not letting our loot options shut on our own face. After all we are leeches of some unique breed. Disgusting is just the appropriate understatement.

For a change let’s not blame the government here. With all honesty some steps are been taken by the central government to elevate the situation. The government already runs two of the world’s biggest nutrition programs: The mid-day meal scheme for students up to class 12^thand the Anganwadi program under which infants and children up to 6 years of age are given hot cooked meals. But are they sufficient? Are they far reaching? Both of them appear NO to me looking at the latest GHI index. The reason these two schemes not bearing fruits of that sweetness that we were expecting is because of the sheer loot that is going around the chain. There are instances where the food item designated for these schemes are shown palpably being sold on local Kirana shops. There are clowns in the chain who are shameless enough to loot the food designated for the hungry and syphon them to various grocery stores for personal gain. Even school teachers of the mid-day meal scheme are hand-in-glove with this loot. Now someone please standup and say, they don’t side with what Anna Hazare is demanding.

By the way, Uttar Pradesh happens to be the state where the maximum numbers of hungry people are found, as far as India is concerned. To add to it, the number has increased by a staggering 18% since Mayawati started building her own statues. The lady certainly deserves another 6 crore currency garland for this accomplishment. Or should we request another Shrud to do the honors?

Thundered Down-Under!!

Published on: Saturday, January 14, 2012 // Cricket, Humor, Losers, Open Letter, Public Interest

Dear Dhoni & Team,

First-thing-first, I strongly object to this torture of an entire nation in the hands of only eleven individuals and a country called Duncan Fletcher.

Honestly, I don’t write too much on cricket since there is nothing much to write about you guys as all your actions, reactions are pretty much clichéd barring instances where some excitement is thrown at us in the form of a slap or two on Sreesanth. But as they say the situation brings the devil out of an ordinary individual, like what happened with Phoolan Devi and I am here to write this piece of shit to inquire about your go-karting experience in Australia; thanks to some more than pathetic performance of you guys in the racist land.

Do you guys realize how tormented the entire nation is since you started this Agneepath (damn Star Cricket for coining this) series on Boxing Day? Do you guys realize how painful it is to wake up 5 in the morning during winter time to watch you guys play? And what we get in return? Middle finger from Virat Kohli? Really?

When you guys left our shores to concur the so called final frontier we were so excited for being tagged as the favorites. Now looking back to that analysis by greats like Arun Lal, I just want to slap Boria Mazmudar in the middle of the Howrah Bridge. Why frighten Boria for the analysis of Arun, you may ask? Because that idiot went ahead a step further and predicted an all but possible whitewash in our favor. Now that we are in the verge of turning that predication entirely on its head; someone needs to pay for big mouthing. And as it is, Boria on any given day can be slapped just for the volume level of his vocal chords. He is been tormenting an entire set of Times Now viewers since ICC world cup and it is time justice is done. Harbhajan Sing can take this responsibility of slapping Boria left-right-and-center once he is free from his advertisement assignments with Colors. After all he always wanted to make it big. Didn’t he?

Now coming back to cricket. What the hell is going there down under? To sum up your performance till now one can only say – “You guys were Molested in Melbourne, Sodomized in Sydney and Pounded in Perth”. Are these signs of a so called World champion team? More than the patchy performance which we viewers are accustomed to whenever you guys travel abroad, it is the swiftness of you lot to throw the advantage flummoxes me. When the match was more than just on our favor at Melbourne, we see a clueless captain with a heavy bankruptcy of ideas; let the last two pairs score close to a hundred runs. I guess most of you must have realized by now that we lost the test right there. Was that a strategy which went horribly wrong, much like the majority of Government policies or a genuine effort to prove the mega loss in England was not just a fluke?

If that was not enough, I see a lot of not so required Aapsi Bhagidari within the team think tank. Why there is a fear for change amongst you guys? Look at what that been allowed to continue failure after failure. Virat Kohli was given such a long rope that, even though his scorecard has got nothing much to show, he ended up showing his middle finger to the spectators, which also includes we rascals waking up cranky at 5 in the morning. Irrespective of him being the highest scorer in the first innings at Perth, I am thoroughly convinced; he shouldn’t have been given another chance. What happened to Rohit Sharma? Has he broken a thing or two? Even if I am sure Rohit won’t be much different to Virat when it comes to performance, at least he won’t show his middle finger. That is an outright bonus right there.

To go a little easy, the youngsters could be spared for their lack of experience (now someone please don’t argue, why then not spare Suresh Kalmadi for being inexperienced in arranging mega games), but what about our oldies lot? What our much touted batting lineup with an average age of 38 years doing in the park? Sachin eyeing his hundredth hundred while getting out in the mid-way, Very Very Special Laxman has long lost his specialty, and Boy, what to say about our wall. More than a handful of bricks seem to have fallen off the wall as he is getting castled every-now-and-then. Four times getting bowled this series is so un-Dravidish. Won’t you think this trio has long surpassed their expiry date? If an affinity for oldies is the flavor of our team, then also bring along Dada to the fray. At least he will torment less people than what he is doing by his commentary in Star Cricket. For God’s sake, why you can’t digest that people with age range starting late thirties don’t belong to a cricket field. Can’t we just call upon these three and thank them for their service and advise them to go fishing?

And honestly I don’t buy arguments like we don’t have right replacements for these greats. We never had right replacement for Lalbahadur Shastri either, but then we had entities like Devegowda to replace him. Didn’t we? And let me assure you, guys like Cheteswar Pujara, Ajinkya Rahane, Suresh Riana and Rohit Sharma or even for that matter Middle-Finger Kohli, won’t be that sharp in contrast to what Devegowda was to Shastriji. We can afford to lose few more tests with this new brigade than having old farts throwing the towel in the ring without even lifting their weapons. BCCI, are you guys listening or just too busy finalizing the cheer girl list for the upcoming IPL session?

That said, I don’t blame you entirely for the mess of a performance down under, which even would put Madhu Koda above in the performance index. Ravi Shastri has a great role to play in our downfall over the years. Now please someone don’t try to accuse me of being superstitious, as I am genuinely trying to. No sooner Ravi turns up to orate; we lose at least one wicket, invariably the better set batsman. A good bowling spell turns nightmarish as soon as Ravi says one of his standard lines – ‘The key is bowling in the right areas’. Why the hell adequate steps can’t be taken to ban Shastri from commenting, at least in matches involving India? Do a candle light march, signature campaign, revolution in Tahrir square or just slap Sreesanth once again or ask Rajdeep Sardesai to tweet the concern in one of his famous ‘Gnite’ tweets; do anything but just stop Shastri entering anywhere near 100 meters of the commentary box. I don’t mind if even Indian army is pressed into service to accomplish this tough job. Hasn’t he already tortured us beyond irreparable damage by his seer batting skills that we have to tolerate further? I strongly object to this torture also.

And for those of you who are losing their collective shit for Sachin not scoring his hundredth hundred. 99 centuries and highest of 94 after that. Isn’t that a great tribute to Sir Donald Bradman and his test average of 99.94?

Warm Regards & All the best

- Someone who won't ever get up 5 in the morning henceforth

Being Cynical�

Calling a spade, a spade