Published on: Sunday, April 29, 2012 // Dirty Tricks, Humor, India, Jokers, Politics, Public Interest
Name: Barkha Dutt
Bio: Anchor of NDTV with an oversize ego and misconception that she has screwed every bloody intellectual on this planet and with all probability few from other planets as well.
One among those few who would get you shot for being just around them. My irritation for her dates back to the days when she almost clamed herself the one who won the Kargil war for us single handedly. All the soldiers were there for namesake since it is she and her camera crew beat the shit out of the Pakistanis by capturing their bunkers from a distance and airing it on national television. A self-proclaimed genius in the field of journalism with that uncanny attribute, which only media greats like Tim Sebastian can accumulate after taking a good year and half of tuition from her. She calls herself as the flag bearer of truth and only truth and an example of how neutral a media person should behave. But the only truth that she vehemently showcases in her programs is those which fulfill the inner nefarious intentions of duffer Congress men. She has this unbelievable affinity for Gandhi family and refuses to utter a single word which could go against them. Her truth for fair journalism is intact as long as it is BJP that she is criticizing about. Mere mention of the word Congress and she flaunts that facial expression as if she just got the biggest of the orgasms. While all are aware that she reports to 10 Janpath, not Pranoy Roy, no body till yet was aware about her Dalali network. Along with seasoned crooks like Neera Radia she was exposed to have intimate telephonic conversations in doing some kind of power broking for Congress. No wonder why Amar Sing left politics, since Dalals like Barkha Dutt came to the scene broking almost everything, including their moral and ethics. It requires no mention that her stand is always against Hindus which also describes why she is so head-over-hills in love with the Pakistanis.
Name: Raj Thackeray
Bio: Head of Maharashtra Nava Nirman Sena, which I prefer to call Maha Nalayak Sena. A certified clown of some caliber and in all likelihood should not be called as a human
Someone so correctly and euphorically Tweeted when the rumors of him affected with Swine Flu did the rounds. Thank God, finally the Swine got the flu. But I objected to the Tweet since Swine do have some prestige and self-respect after all. A spoiled brat with a cocooned mindset and overzealous outlook; which starts with the Bihari Taxi drivers and Panipuri walas of Mumbai and pretty much ends there. For him anything that is not Marathi is not worth being there in India. His tired against outsiders in Mumbai makes many wonder, if Mumbai is part of India or the other way round. A hypocrite to the core he advocates every Maharashtrian to adhere to Marathi while sending his own son abroad to study in plum schools. He is the one who reacts like a leech sprinkled with salt at the very sight of a north Indian and asks his goons to beat the hell out of innocent and poor people just because they are not from the state. I won’t be surprised if someday he and his stooges are seen running behind stray dogs to chase them out of the Mumbai vicinity since they don’t bark in Marathi. I can only pity his supporters who are dumb enough to follow someone whose motto in life is to create nuisance and yet calls himself a leader, still being the biggest nonsense of the recent times. A duffer at large and yet behaves as if he has got more balls than the entire Reynolds factory.
Name: Ravi Shastri
Bio: A former Indian cricketer and Cricket commentator of some repute. He has a strong belief that he has got more knowledge of the game than rest of the cricketers, living or otherwise put together. Don Bradman can go to hell if he feels so.
We are not discussing because Ravi Shastri is the greatest commentator ever, but because he thinks he is. ICC chaps are running all over the place like mad dogs to find reasons of deteriorating cricket interest and yet it bewilders me, they haven’t yet taken this Ravi Shastri to task. The primary reason why people have stopped watching Cricket on TV is this chap. After all tolerating the same lines again-and-again for seven hours is a herculean task. I mean how can a professional commentator say ‘That’s what the doctor ordered’ for every boundary that is scored in the match. Didn’t the doctors have any bloody business left than ordering cricketers to score boundaries? If someone asks me the primary reason for failure of Indian team, I won’t go much beyond this guy either. Every time he bumps in the box he claims a couple of Indian wickets and that too the set batsmen or suddenly a great spell of the bowler goes haywire and the entire Indian bowling line up looks like comprised of only Ashok Dindas or Piyush Chawlas. If that is not good enough, his one-liners every now-and-then makes Digvijay Sing look so loving in comparison. Singles are the key, at the end of the day there would be one winner, batsmen should rotate the strike; odd boundaries would come. I mean holy crap. I am still counting how many times Cricket has emerged as the winner at the end of the day. If Mamta Banarjee wants to be in the good book of the citizens, rather banning newspapers there, she must arm-twist the UPA government to ban this torture on TV. By the way, the least the BCCI can do is to make sure that Ravi Shastri and Rameez Raza doesn’t pair up at the same time.
Name: Manish Tiwari
Bio: National spokesperson of Congress for reasons best known to the Congress Italian high command. Among the lot, he perhaps is the finest in vomiting a Webster dictionary on the Prime-Time.
Again we are not discussing because he has some Nobel laureate’s knowledge base but because he thinks he does. The inventor of the phrase – ‘Elected and Electable’. I just want to slap him for this line alone. I don’t know what that shit really means but just want to slap him for the line itself. He is the numero-uno and the other regular irritation on prime-time news slots beside Arnav Goswami. With an astounding personality he is the Junior Buchhak’s guide book of Indian politics. He knows everything; pretty much everything except how big an idiot he is. The rare quality of his is to cover up the Gandhi family with his teeth and porcupine hairdo, no matter what. Given a chance, he might just find BJP as the main culprit for 84 Sikh riots as well. A big mouth from birth he is at par with Digvijay Sing and a perfect hire apparent for the post of nonsense vomiting in Congress once Diggi Raja is shot down by somebody someday. Ask him on the achievements of Congress, he will start from the day when Jawaharlal Nehru touched lady Mountbatten quite inappropriately. So voluminous he is, he can write a whole book on Rahul Gandhi as a phenomenon. A perfect bootlicker of Gandhi family and a slave of rare breed.
Name: Teesta Setelvad
Bio: A vulture who feeds on the dead of Gujarat riot. Single motto in life is to keep on barking against Narendra Modi so that meat pieces are thrown at her by her pay masters in Delhi.
I am told she runs an NGO. Nonsense Gandhi Organization, that is. For last ten years she claims she is relentlessly trying to frame Narendra Modi by hook or crook. To her credit she got hold of a certain woman in the name of Zakia Zafri who agreed to play the role of Jony Lever in the whole frame Modi movie. She also has other achievements to her credit like making the riot victims to parrot her lines in the court against Modi. In her mission towards filling her own coffers went so horrid that she ended up fabricating the truth to benefit some in Delhi. When her barking went overture the Apex court rightfully gave few rap on the knuckles and reprimand her to stop introducing paid witnesses. What is it? A public gathering of Rahul Gandhi where you ferry audiences in trucks with the promise of packaged Biriyani? But that hasn’t deterred this thug and leech of highest quality to stop feeding on dead bodies. For her brilliant service towards her Excellency (not India), Gandhi family and Congress, she was awarded with a Padma Bhushan this year. I am sure; it is only my pet Golu who is left to receive any such award. Rest all have pretty much got it.
Name: Renuka Chowdhury
Bio: Another of those loser National Spokesperson of Congress and a big, Err.. Motor mouth. For her a good debate is when you attack other debaters, not their points.
A lady avatar of Manish Tiwari in many ways but with a difference. While Manish is still an elected member this lady has badly lost her seat in Khamam. So it is kind of surprising to see someone who can’t establish the chord among her own people talking big about national fabrics and that too quite aggressively at that. Every time she is on TV, you are sure to see her debating like two neighbors fight when one’s pet shit around other’s front door. Helloooooooo, is the standard way she starts all her statements. Not sure what she tries to achieve by that long hello, but for sure it irritates me to the hilt so much so that I wish I can test fire Agni-V on her. Another bootlicker belonging to the class of Manish Tiwari and Manishankar Aiyar and possesses that uncanny habit of behaving like Rakhi Shawant by the mere mention of the name Rahul Gandhi. For her, everything wrong that is happening (including the birth of Priyanka’s kids) is because of BJP’s six year rule. Given a chance, she might just confer Sonia Gandhi with a Noble prize for peace and get herself one also.
Name: Lalu Yadav
Bio: Ex-Chief Minister of Bihar and now pretty much a buffoon. The only person in the history of mankind who can eat both toilets and cattle food without any hesitation whatsoever.
DO I REALLY NEED TO WRITE ON HIM?