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Monday, February 14, 2011

A Letter To Manmohan Sing

Team Being Cynical

Now this one was long due I guess. Even though I believe, individuals at large, and more so when they are resting their butt in prestigious chairs are supposed to know the exact shit expected from them, are actually behaving more nonchalant than responsible. As I used to get engaged in many futile exercises like sleeping at my office desk, ogling any random girl, expecting Paris Hilton to be still a virgin, tolerating Arnav Goswami, writing about Himesh Reshamiya… etc; I thought of adding one more task to the list – writing a letter to our Prime-Minister Mr.Manmohan Sing to let him know how our country is right there on the dog’s plate for a happy lunch and how we look more rubbish than a shit smeared ass to the outside world and most important - what steps must he take so that we don’t end up coming out from the rectum of a canine soon. Hope he has some spare time at his disposal after he finishes taking the dictation from Sonia Gandhi and Rahul Gandhi to ponder on the issues I am going to highlight.

Dear Prime-Minister,

Mr.PM, first thing – Could you for heaven’s sake stop losing your sleep for absolutely dogfucked things? By virtue of such erratic sleeping disorder you are doing no help to your already two time bypass surgery done heart. When you are surrounded by greats like Digvijaya Sing (who resembles like an over swollen African testicle with no hair at the top), Abhisekh Manu Singvi (a dog running for his life from the clutches of the Anti-rabies unit of the city municipal corporation), Rahul Gandhi (substitute for a BT Brinjal putting on a pair of glass) and many more; you need not have to be the first one to lose his sleep. So take it and take it straight and repeat after me –

I AM GOING TO SLEEP ATLEAST FOR 8 HOURS DAILY

Good Boy. Now as your health issue is settled let’s get down to the Asli Mudda. I know it feels great when somebody else takes all the pain in scratching your back while you were busy yourself scratching someone else’s. But this Aapsi-Bhagidari is getting more painful than a Bhojpuri porn movie for us citizens of late. After all we don’t want to see our elected representatives busy scratching each other much like a bunch of monkeys in a zoo. So please stop this culture or ban this altogether and pass a resolution to uproot someone’s genital if found engaged in any sort of scratching activity. Now following are the things you must take on priority (more than praising Rajeev Gandhi on hourly basis). Hang on- you can change your turban later.

You Must Act Strongly Against Terrorists & Terrorism – Mr.PM; I am sure Afzal Guru is not your Son-in-law. Not that we really care anything beyond rat ass even if he is. So you please right away let all of us know why that joker is protected more sacredly than what cricketers do with their lower groin. This definitely smells one scandalous affair more so when our Apex court has already ordered the authorities to stop jacking off in public but instead hang this bastard absolutely at anytime they feel like. It is five years since our Apex court has made open their intentions. Five year is a long time I am sure Mr.Prime-Minister. In five years Rakhi Shawant can marry five times, Rahul Gandhi can vouch for Aam-Admi five thousand times; Men-in-blue can get kicked out in the first round – twice from T20 world cup and once from the world cup itself, Sonia Gandhi can learn to speak fluent Hindi and even Mayawati would turn one beautiful lady after thousands of beauty therapy, Dev-Anand can re-release all his movies in color. But to amuse all including Afzal Guru himself, he is still alive and kicking and I am told being served with Biryani of his choice. This is one hell of a hospitality syndrome, I must admit. And what is that nonsense that did the rounds when Delhi government was asked to clarify their stand on the whole issue? When Shiela Dixit has to say the law and order would take a pathetic look (more than the bitch Lady GaGa in a saree) if this jackass is hanged is more bizarre than A.Raja claiming innocence. Your own reaction towards the suggestions of Delhi government is what many claim erupted a laughing hysteria across the world. When you say we are looking at the issue; I pray you didn’t mean you would keep on looking till the point some fanatic plants a bomb right below your posterior and blows your miserable ass to pieces.

And what is that color association with terrorism that seems a latest fascination for most of your cabinet ministers? Why attach color to terrorism? Why that stone in a heap of shit look-alike Lungi clad home-minister farting more loudly than he himself possibly can bear? Why one and all of your party members playing ostrich? Why can’t you just get out of that thing called hypocrisy and face the real problem? Why Rahul Gandhi is busy doing his comparison act when we all very well know his credentials as far as his education goes? Why can’t he just shut the fuck of his uneducated mouth? WTF is going on!!

So as humbly as it can be put – Mr.PM; trust me. People can be more demanding than Karunanidhi and Jagan Mohan Reddy put together. And I don’t see a problem there as the demands are pretty much genuine and rational. As the prime-minister of the country we expect you to take terrorism as the top of your agenda and promise to provide one and all a safe environment to live in than just keeping your party’s vote bank intact. To start with, please be done away with the scoundrels already apprehended like Guru or Qasab and set an example that the terrorists make a toilet out of their Khakis. And most important - stop taking dictations from 10 Janpath from right now. Will you?

You Must Act Against Price Rise – Honestly, I don’t have much hope left on that Grand Canyon with a Niagara Fall look-alike Finance minister to begin with. Our Agriculture minister is such a gem that we can talk to the white asses in Buckingham palace and easily bargain him against the Kohinoor Diamond itself. When the food prices have gone through the roofs of most households the least we expect from the Agriculture minister is some concrete step than some funny facial expressions as if a big black ant just took a good chunk of his balls. We know you have all the wrong people at the wrong places but this criminal-ass Sharad Pawar rewrote history by becoming the biggest oxymoron to sensibility and responsibility. This modern day Nostradamus always finds it fancy to announce when and why milk price and prices of other commodities would rise hence allowing the crooks and manipulators of the market to hoard essential goods in every secrete place available including their underwear leading to an artificial price chaos. For God’s sake the sooner this rascal is shown the door out of this country and deported for exile to somewhere something like Kalapani is better for humanity at large.

Look at the common man Mr.PM. Look at the daily wage laborer. Try to feel the inherent pain behind those constipated looks. If you think they badly need Kayam Churan for a happy time in the toilets then you are wrong again as the same way you were when you said minorities have the first right to natural resources. Rs 100/- for a Kg of Daal , is certain to make even Mukesh Ambani think of postponing the central air-conditioning of Antilia for the time being. Do you Mr.PM realize in India now necessity, comfort and luxury selling at the same price? Onion, Petrol, Beer – Rs 65/-. Why a common man like me would be in a dilemma and have to decide whether to gift a gold jewelry or a Kg of Onion to my wife? Why a certain Sharad Pawar having a face (specifically the area which we usually call mouth) which more or less looks like a Mumbai-Pune expressway tunnel would runaway with my hard earned money in nepotism with his kith and keens? Being an economist yourself please get out of the theorem which every economist believes across the globe – ‘If you can’t convince them then confuse them’ and think how you can transform the constipated look to somewhat a smile, if not a laughter one.

You Must Act Against Corruption And Black Money – I am told our filthy politicians have stashed a lot of black money in Swiss bank and elsewhere. The amount alleged to be so big, with that we can easily buy Trinidad & Tobago, bid for Nauru and Lesotho, Can provide each and every member of RSS a full trouser and a carbon fiber stick, a statue of Mayawati in each and every planet of our solar system including Moon, Can convince Dawood Ebrahim to shoot Mamta Benarjee and Karan Johar at sight, can have all the Bollywood and Hollywood actress to perform nude poll dance for the rest of their life, make Arjuna Ranatunga, Sanath Jayasurya and M.K.Azagiri look fairer after adequate skin treatment, convince Rakhi Shawant to divulge his/her real gender and still be remained with enough change to pocket Togo. In nutshell – we can ask Hamid Karzai to fuck off and purchase the whole of Afghanistan and include all the Mujahidin in our defense forces to balance out the 30000 shortfall of officers. 13th Opium Regiment – How is this for a name? A real huge amount of money I must confess.

Now as the PM, it is your responsibility to bring all these thugs to book and make sure that their asses are spanked till the point it resembles the red posteriors of all those monkeys who every now and then invade Delhi streets and create mayhem. In that endeavor you first have to let all of us know the names in the list shared by the German authorities. Please don’t hide behind some non-existing international diplomacy as you can’t have your Samosha and eat it too. Gimmicks should strictly be avoided while curbing corruption. More than reprimanding him for showing dissent to CAG report, please educate your good for nothing telecom minister Kapil Sibal to refrain himself from laughing after each sentence he utters. If he has to smile after each sentence then he isn’t fucking funny to begin with. Why Kalmadi is still free and polluting the Ranchi environment at present? Why isn’t he is behind bars and his balls put on red hot charcoals to get the names of all those who were party to the CWG loot. Why Karunanidhi is not made to take off his black goggles so that all can see the crooked and nefarious eyes hiding behind them? Why Raja is not hanged upside down and skinned down all the while forcing him to give a blowjob to Karunanidhi? Why there is no enquiry on the corporate lobbying front and why bitches like Nira Radia and Barkha Dutt are yet to be arrested, provided if you are not planning to confer Nira Radia with a Padma Bhusan next year.

People want to know the roadmap of yours’ which you claimed you will come up in 100 days to get the lakhs and thousands of crores of taxpayer’s money stashed in Swiss banks. You should not make a kind of joke of yourself and the country at large and come out clean with all those names that have illegal money piled up somewhere.

You Must Control The Foot In The Mouth Disease – It was all started by one smartass USA returned Mallu who many say is an accident in political circle and it is continuing till now. This is precisely bad when our able ministers forget the basic ethics of how not to behave like a joker and end up doing things which leaves many high and dry. Mr.PM these funny acts do have an adverse effect on our image in world platform. Take example of Rahul Gandhi – If the hallucination of greatness due to a borrowed surname gets into someone’s head he/she more often than not displays the uncanny love for verbal diarrhea and end up humiliating oneself. This Gandhi scion is full time engaged in proving himself the worst of a fool one can find on any given day. You possibly couldn’t stop him from doing the comparison between SIMI and RSS without knowing much about either RSS or SIMI. Why you are so fragile and weak – hold on. I am not trying to be another Loh-Purush like Advani and clan. Why are you taking dictations from this good for nothing brat? Why you just don’t hang yourself or jump from a cliff rather accepting openly that you are just a caretaker and warming the chair for Rahul Gandhi so that the junior Gandhi feels the warmth when he eventually rests his ass on the chair?

Now look at Kapil Sibal. Sibal as confused as a baby in a topless bar end up questioning the credentials of CAG and Apex court all at the same time. There is a thin line between enthusiasm and idiocy and I am sure Sibal’s both ears need a 180 degree rotation by hand for this small aspect to get into his otherwise hollow head. When a whole bunch of people could see a scam more than a lakh crore, this fine gentleman somehow deduce it to be zero and have the audacity to let the world know about it. Irony till yet no video footage circulated where Sibal is seen down on his knees, holding his ears in front of your office. If I would have been in your position I would have aptly punished this joker which in local parlance known as ‘Murga Banana’. But anyway; yours’ is a case of permanent self-respect disorder. Can’t help much.

Mr.Prime-Minister; the list is literally endless. It is just that I don’t want to scare the living daylights out of you as you are anyway scared to hell by the Mother-Son duo, I am stopping right here. Hope you would show some substance someday (which is highly unlikely from you) and stand up and be counted. I will furnish few more points where your immediate intervention is highly solicited the next time I get a chance to write to you.

Till then take care and sleep well

Jai Hind!!

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