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Monday, April 2, 2012

Open Letter To Shahrukh Khan

Team Being Cynical

Dear Shahrukh,

I know you want to be called as SRK but take my advice; it not only sounds lousy but seems like a cycle tyre company. So for the mental relief of mine I am restricting myself to address you by the name Shahrukh even though it sounds like the howling of a werewolf. 

Anyway, coming back to the point on why of all the people I thought of wasting my time in writing a letter to a complete nonsense like you. Even though a lot of people might consider a mere discussion remotely associated with you is as useful an activity as watching our parliament proceedings on TV; I strictly don’t carry that notion. After all you proclaim yourself as the so called King Khan who has concurred the world without raising the sword and it is only plain luck that Julius Caesar and Napoleon Bonaparte were not born during your time or else they were all be selling Bhel-Puri in front of Bandra Railway station by now. Hence as a small gratitude for being honored enough to share the same planet with a magnanimous persona like you, the best that I can offer is a letter at his Excellency’s disposal.

To begin with Shahrukh – Were you like this from birth or there something terrible like falling of an airplane on your head happened somewhere in your lifecycle which turned you into a complete nuts? Though an honest confession can go a long way in clarifying this doubt; as far as I can remember seeing you in your maiden TV serial called Fauji, you looked absolutely normal and were behaving as normal humans do. Even if you don’t admit I am sure something bizarre has happened in between or is it just the side effects of a long association with a gender less human going by the name Karan Johar? In any whichever way, you are a big irritation for an awful long period of time and of late you are looking like a eunuch in a marriage function.

The constant irritation that you are supplying vehemently for a decade at least has long surpassed the tolerable limits of many. Your regular tantrums towards everyone, dead or alive speaks volume of the nonsensical way you have carried yourself along, showing that non-required one-upmanship all the time. Do you remember the days when yet another of your nonsense called ‘My Name Is Khan’ was about to be released? Certainly that was such a spectacle which would have even ashamed Rakhi Shawant and the Big Boss house inmates. Out of nowhere you found the Pakistanis as a bunch of highly adorable creatures and ordered the nation to allow a whole lot of Pakistanis to come to the city of Mumbai and make merry. That was so insensitive Shahrukh when a hell lot of people were pissed off after the 26/11 nightmare. When the nation was coping with the tragedy post 26/11, you just to sell your garbage movie based on terrorism ideologue in that part of the world popped up this Pakistani issue from nowhere. And what you had to say when Sivsena chaps pounced on you and threatened a non-screening of your movie? “No repent on what I said”. Really? That is like how an average Jaat behaves after killing his daughter in the name of honor. I hope you must have heard what Sohail Tanveer said about Indians after your open arm policy fell flat on its ass.

You also own an IPL team. Don’t you Shahrukh? Now here one striking mismatch that I see between your team and the rest. First : While rest of the owners are serious about their teams and its success or failure, you are only interested to rack up one controversy or the other. Be it proclaiming (just to rub salt on the wounds of 26/11 sufferers) that you got the biggest catch by netting in Shoiab Akhtar or going overboard with the rest team owners in convincing them to not go for Abdur Razzaq, since you badly need a talented player like him. Here also one can clearly see your sincere affinity for Pakistani players. In the first season itself your team has no less than four players from there. While you can argue to have the players of your choice since it is your team but when the whole nation is carrying a different notion (and please don’t utter that Aaman Ki Asha nonsense), you being the so called hero of the celluloid must respect the sentiments of a majority chunk of the populace; the same people who made you a hero out of a lameass actor. But you seldom cared for anyone's sentiments. Have you? No wonder many are considering you a certified traitor.

Have you analyzed your latest flick named Ra. One? Once? Ever? How can you make such a movie and then go ahead proclaiming it to be one of the best that Bollywood has seen for a long long time? This is like Congress stooges saying, people of UP rejected Rahul Gandhi because they wanted him to see as the prime-Minister of the nation. I am told the medicine stores made a fortune by installing temporary stalls outside every theater since a third of the viewing lot came out vomiting before the interval and rest were almost senseless with many of them being driven out in stretchers? That is too ridiculous a stuff to expect from the bloody King Khan. When you were spanked very badly by almost everyone after you misfired in ‘My Name Is Khan’, I was sure you won’t attempt at making a Kresto Mukherjee of yourself again, but no; you instead did a Kapil Sibal through Ra. One. Like Kapil, not being satisfied with one Zero Loss theorem and the public humiliation, keeps on repeating his orchestra of absurdity every hour; you keep on making a lousy ass of yourself every second day. Kapil must be so happy to know that God hasn’t given this brain in the ass quality to him only, but instead he has one honorable company.

You even don’t spare your so called close buddies in your attempt at showing that one-upmanship? Do you? Look at what you have done to your best of the buddies named Farha Khan. I mean, how in earth you can slap her husband openly in front of everyone. I know, the very look of Sirish Kundar will force anyone to slap him but for God’s sake he is the wife..err husband of your best friend. How could you do this with such profanity and yet the poor chap is besieged to realize why he got that one on his flappy cheeks. Only thing that is left for him to do now is to participate in a realty show with Sreesanth so that both the slapee can sob profusely in a corner to relieve themselves.

By the way Shahrukh, one last advise – Don’t mingle too much with that Karan Johar. Else the Muslim clerics soon will issue a fatwa on you for being engaged in blasphemy. 

Regards

-Someone who doesn’t watch Lameass actors!  

74 comments:

  1. what a bore article .. get a life you loser ... though I am not SRK fan .. but you are loser for sure ...

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  2. Great... Man.. Even I am a hardcore hater of this so called bloody.. saahaaruk...

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  3. @1st Anonymous : Someone looks like really pissed off. Any specific reason sir?

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  4. pathetic article. utter waste of time, seems was refused an autograph by shahrukh hence this write up

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  5. Excellent Article DJ...As always.
    A separate para on DON 1/2 and KBC was missed though..! :)

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  6. Rocking article. Each and every word reflects feelings of millions of human beings in this country. This article can bore only those fools who are still being fooled by the fool of the fools. You guys must look at the video " Neil Nitin Mukesh asking "Shah Rukh Khan to shut up" and then assess this guys shamelessness.

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  7. Well, why this article after so much time has passed for all the events you mentioned on your article. Though I agree and appreciate every para, but it would have been much proper if had been published at the time of at-least any of the events mentioned were occurred.

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  8. Surprised that you did not mention this laggard's connection/affinity to the d-gang, which by all means funds his movies.

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  9. i still remember watching a program in NDTV during his MNIK movie release..he said we all love pakistan n PAkistan is the best cricket team in the world...U should have seen how he stressed the word "best"..n the audience started clapping... i was wondering y no one is questioning him about what he said n finally it was only Sivsena who stood against him...

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  10. article is such a f****** tard...full of crap..the writer seems a big d1ckhead

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  11. Sirish kunder got a tight slap and rukruk khan got the next movie with farah khan. Truly funny.

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  12. hahahahahahahaha

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  13. we need people like this writer, to write against all corrupt shameless people, atleast they feel a bit guilty

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  14. Nice try at satire, if you want to call it that. But falls flat on its face. Try harder next time or better yet, give up writing.

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  15. Excellent article!!!

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  16. Excellent piece as usual. I liked the ''you are looking like a eunuch in a marriage function''.

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  17. hehehehe.....you serious moron....
    I used moron because you and people like you are not able understand this gr8 man called srk.....
    DICKHEADS...

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  18. SRK is a born ego maniac. His loyalties lie not with India . Everybody lets boycott all his movies

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  19. it shows nothing but ur jealous to SRK... he is no.1 actor of bollywood....

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  20. dis is pathetic article ...

    Srk is gr8

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  21. I'm not a fan of Sharukh.. but this is stupid.
    Dude, get a life and do something good instead of spreading hatred.

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  22. WoW!!

    As someone correctly said - Little point in writing if you can't irritate the living daylights of few. And here I can see a lot of them :)

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  23. "Shah Rukh to receive highest Yale honour". This speaks for the greatness this man is. No letter required.

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  24. Lion becomes the king by its own strength. Not by self claiming like this bloody shahrukh. It is others who treat & call a person like king because of his works & capabilities. A person like this bu****it shahrukh, who always tease & make critic of others in his movies (Eg. OSO, Billu, DON and so on, is not a king, but a gandhi-naale-ki kidaa. look at AAmir, salman,- how they are egtting their positions at the top. aamir is considered as an ambassador. He is being invited for the shows, whenever a foreign delegate comes to India. And even for some programs related to social cause. Ofcourse Salman is not of Aamir king, but he is above Shahrukh as a person. Shahrukh has very high Superiority complex.

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  25. Get a life dude.. How can u say salmon is even A human?? He drink n drive and kill people.. He doesn't Even spare poor animals..use "being human" for releasing criminals from jail..(it's not rumor.. I ve read in times of India n watched on ndtv) people like u elect congress government..(pardon my English)

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  26. I suggest you improve your spellings first. In the same piece you've used three different spellings for him.

    Also, I understand that every human has inherent biases. But as a writer, one should learn to be neutral. Your article smacks of your hatred against Muslims and gays at more places than one.

    Insulting is an art. One either knows it or doesn't. I'll give you an example of the level you've stooped down to showcase your wannabe wit - it's like someone telling you that you've chosen an apt name for your domain. Its initials describe you the best. Now, do you find it funny?

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  27. Come on Anonymous,let both of us start working against Congress. Do you think we can eradicate this Congress. It is a Cancer. you can not cure it. It will kill the whole nation. Highest percentage of people in our India do not know what is CWG,2G,Coal,... Right now, I have got an urgent work... I'll write later to you.

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  28. The fact that you spent so much time writing this load of crap only goes to show how much of a loser you are. Let me ask you, what have YOU ever achieved? Oh wait, probably nothing. Only when you're anywhere close to SRK's global reputation and only when you've achieved a quarter of what he has could you really sit there and rant. What a waste of life...use your cynicism for a cause instead of trying to put people down.

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  29. Fact is narrated in a very clear words without any fear and dare.writer awares critic people wouldn't like,dont care...keep it up.

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  30. You don't like SRK but you still follow him so closely, lol. Get a life, you looser.

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  31. SRKs days are done.

    Jab diya bujhne lagti hai tab kuch zyaada hi phadphadathi hai.

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  32. Good artcle.. amir khan is real king of bolly. get out srk ,go to porkistan and do blue films as you did it before.. hate all muslim extremists like srk who supports them by movies like MNIK..if you dont like to be discriminated,why go to usa?

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  33. All who supports your article are so retarded and losers in life including you Mr Fancy Pancy who have written such a waste of time. Go Get Some Fresh Air and you will be OK.

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  34. Whatta loser you are cynical,serious stop being jealous

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  35. India is full of ass quality brainees who wants to clap on all TV shows for every Tom, Dick & Harry..

    Hillarious Article!! & Real too...

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  36. You are a worthless Loser, SRK is a legendary actor and a wonderful human being who is loved and respected worldwide.

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  37. To all "Anonymous" morons, come on let's cut the crap and face the reality here...SR'Gay' is the most pathetic actor in Hindi Film Industry, no matter how much he bark around the tree by self proclaiming himself as king khan or badshah or wotever, he is nothing but a self proclaimed moron followed by so many "Anonymous" morons lined up here...

    For once please tell me a single quality work of his towards the film industry and most importantly towards his so called homeland "India"..SR'Gay' is PATHETIC!! and a WORTHLESS piece of shit!!

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  38. The writer of this article and all you people are just fucked up .... Srk said that pakistan cricket team is best team bcoz he was angry dat he was not allowed to buy them for ipl.....and get this shit out of ur mind dat mnik was not good... It surely was a pleasure to watch dat masterpiece acting by srk... Tell me any one person who had acted better than srk's mnik ever for any movie?????

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  39. Well well ... Most of u morons say that he self claimed him as a king .....but you bastard dickheads , just go to wikipedia (the biggest online encyclopedia) and search "king of bollywood" and srk's page will open , not salman or aamir
    u'r just being jelous of his achievings that ur fav. star (most probably salman or aamir) had'nt achieved . How come u say that even wikipedia is wrong and u little dicklets?????

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  40. dude, apprecite your article....i hope and wish this article to be published among each and every Indian media..whoever oppose your article
    !! dont really understand the truth....anyways ..ignore those foolish and this is the reason our country is far behind this world......

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  41. ok u r one SERIOUSLY DEPRESSED and FRUSTRATED guy... get a life dude... did he deny you an autograph or something???
    I mean seriously how sad would you have to be...

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  42. One Question to Cynical:

    Are you jobless to write such negative things?

    I'm sure you are a loser in life... where do you work and as what BTW?

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  43. Good article.Thanx Cynical.

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  44. hehhe.. such a nice article on loser sharuk.. he shouldn't have born in this graceful country. And seeing some sharuk fans crying over here, feels funny. nice job being cynical. thumbs up!

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  45. Shahrukh is the best he is the King Khan...He is truly Indian.. he is the inspiration to many people...Every guy should be like him...i luv srk...and i hate those who hate him..HE IS THE BEST ACTOR, HUSBAND, BROTHER, FRIEND, PERSON...No one can compare him....

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    Replies
    1. Have some self-respect dude!

      Delete
  46. did he deny you an autograph or something??? he he he!

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  47. srkji namaste,.aap ne acha kaam kiya hai just khans programme is only for your glorification. aapke age group ki ladies aap ki reverence hi chati hai.. adab se saree. suits clad women aapka abhinandan kare to aachi baat hai.a.. please improve yourself. apni age group me hi socialise karo.. world middle class women aap ko bhagwan ka darja deti hai.aap kaise logl ke sath socialise karte hai..aapni bhilorani yo ke hi liye aap jiye to acha hai.karvachauth par kuch acha apne dearones ke liye. hanji aap hamari baat samajh rahe hai

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  48. I just can't believe he has fans the world over!

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  49. i am not optimistic about watching your film jthj.katrina is over the hill in higlighting her londonbased personality. sharukhkhan hasnot conditioned her to be a bollywood heroine as he has conditioned some of today,s vintage heriones as madhuridixit.katrina suffers from epilepsy forgetting that she works in bollywood for a living and not hollywood.srk is leasing out too many exceptions to katrina. why. the film if at all reeks of something it is srk,s real time passions with katrina during and after the making of the film. and the passions are still on very shamelessly.

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  50. Excellent letter to srk or whatever he is an opportunist, unpatriotic shameless piece of shit. He should be thrown out of India, he always likes praising our enemies in front of us. I guess he hasn't learnt from his previous mistakes.

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  51. How could you write it much before his vierd remarks??

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  52. hay guys plz don't spread negativity about anyone....plz ... everybody do their work with dedication , they work hard ....imagine yourself in his place and think .how will you feel if you read these things written about you somewhere by someone just bcoz he is jeleous of your success or a fan of your rival...................WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE ANY RIGHT TO CRITICIZE ANYONE FOR HIS MISTAKES AND FAILIURES IF YOU CAN'T APPRECIATE HIS ACHIEVEMENTS AND SUCCESS.........you luv salman .......its ok .........but for being a salman fan , its not neccassary to hate srk or vice-versa....i also am a salman fan but respect srk too for what he has achieved in his life..plz don't write these type of things......

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  53. SRK is a shit !!!
    He is highly communal, selfish and idiotic person !!!!

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  54. SRK is a shit !!!
    He is highly communal, selfish and idiotic person !!!!

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  55. SRK is a shit !!!
    He is highly communal, selfish and idiotic person !!!!

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  56. SRK is a shit !!! Great man's definition id just the reverse of SRK !!!!
    He is highly communal, selfish and idiotic person !!!!

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  57. Hahhahhahaha superb. Fun to read.

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  58. loser ?and what u r prime minister ?LMAO.....he is speaking his viewpoint .whats the big point u srk tyre fans ...and talking about achieving ........a prostitute can earn more than ur whole family and had major connections with big named people.but still one thing she will never have ......dignity.........not all successful people had worked hard to get it.......also if somebody is not so successful doesn't mean that they haven't put their blood sweat and tears for that...........people like u who r blindfolded by all the glamour and fucking showoff charity done by so so called gay actors needs to grow up and see where u have reached ........
    and by the way before u open ur cunt.....i am a life scientist at marine biology centre at sydney.......so fuck u and i will always be a big fan of the writer..............

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  59. I would really love to see this site grow and become the one of the most popular online blogs, but I am afraid if we will see that day. All thank to the mind behind the concept and article, he or she or anyone else as mentioned in article has no clue about the content except for a normal sense of language. Not to forget, morons will still support you because in INDIA most of the people are without backbone (They need a hater, to display their own disliking towards someone), here they got your article against SRK. Can't comment more on you as your are neither famous and celebrated as SRK nor controversial and interesting like Indian cricketers.

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  60. agree with every single statement, its not just me but a lot of sane minds. only gays and eunuchs love SRK.

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  61. Good one. Somebody rightly said- srk is like a high end prostitute, lots of money no dignity.

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  62. LMAO..I love it...dripping sarcasm and oh so true *hugs*

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  63. Ranbir Kapoor in Barfi, Darsheel Safari in TZP, Priyanka Chopra in Barfi, Rani Mukrjee in Black

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  64. and denied visa entry to the US too

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  65. There are 2 ways to gain max no. of hits; one - post porn, second - Use this method, being cynical. This writeup is "No fruit, only froth"

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  66. i m not a shahrukh fan or anything...but u dude.. are one seriously frustrated person. while u have a good style of writing, ur 'open letter' is actually nothing but a senseless, content-less tirade against a successful person albeit with his own set of faults. personal remarks and baseless accusations.. thats all this shit is...

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  67. Unlike other blogs/media sources, good thing about your posts is that it reflects your raw opinion whether biased or not :) SRK is no longer a TV actor(read fauji), he is a full fledged businessman. That is what you expect from businessmen right? Which businessman has cared for the common populace(please dont give 1 or more names as excuse)? Don't you think your time would be better utilized if you focus on more important issues than SRK...i would leave it at that

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  68. I am no fan of SRK, but i did not know that entry into US was the sole criteria of being a wonderful human being.....

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  69. Just bcos the judiciary find ways to protect the rich (by delaying/diluting and what not), does not make Salman god. IMHO he is just a good actor but not a responsible or caring citizen. 20 years in the black buck case and still far from any verdict???Hit and run cases?? We would surely have landed into jail had we committed the same crime.

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  70. Thakur Rajesh SinghJul 26, 2013, 8:41:00 PM

    Being Cynical is One of the best contemporary writers, far ahead of the league.

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  71. Someone who dnt like LOSERSSep 15, 2013, 1:29:00 AM

    naam ta likhea nhn gea.....ede to.....fattu sala

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  72. Hehehe wonderful. I too hate this creepy khan and the way he proclaims himself as king. Never ever saw Amitabh Bachchan or Sachin or lata Mangeshkar saying that they are kings/queens of their fields.

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