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    The Oprah Orgasm

    I am not against indorsing our Tourism ministry’s evangelization of “Atithi Devo Bhaba”. It is the irregularity in the enactment that concerns me to a great degree and makes me giggle for the rest. Aren’t we the same set of people who rape a hapless foreign traveler in our Taxi while ferrying her from the Airport to a nearby hotel while at the same time we cocker-hook a lot the moment a so called luminary from the west puts his/her ass in the flight bound to our part of the world? Why we are not that fervent for “Atithi Devo Bhaba” while we encroach upon the poor unknown individual for no ostensible reason? How our gauge of hospitality shifts dramatically at the sight of a so called celebrity flummoxes me a bit. 
    I am all for being exultant at the arrival of a guest at the doorstep, as it is about time that we change the perception of INDIA being used as an acronym for ‘I Won’t Do It Again’. But going over the hills as if we all are blessed with a grandson each is a little too much for digestion. Sorry Hajmola, you were of no help either.
    Look at how we behaved like complete insane when a certain Oprah Winfrey came here last week. For the passé she stayed here our so called clownish media kept us appraising every bit of info that can possibly be shared of the lady. Except what she has put as in underwear, rest all is being gaged through our throats, as if we as a nation collectively have got nothing better and imperative to do. From her sojourn at the Taj; to her so called chit chat with the individuals on the street. Everything was aired as if otherwise people would have filed millions of RTI applications to get hold of the info later. From how she loved the Puri-Bhaji combo in the morning to her distinct liking for Mumbai Pani-Puri; we even were lucky enough to be suckled with that also. And yes, we were also told, just because Oprah decided to cloak one, how our very own Saree was honored to a level that would even force Vatican to drop something called sainthood. If any stone was left unturned by our media, individual soft porn writers like Sobha Dey did the rest when they kept on twitting (even when they were in the loo) their set of information till a point Blackberry CEO said ‘That’s It’. I am quitting my job.
    Now the query is why we are so theatric at the arrival of a guest from outside? Making the guest feel like being at home is treasured but to cross the line of self-respect and start acting as if we have only found our identity in the world map now since this celebrity came here and shit in one of our posh hotels, is way too much. These reactions become more annoying when a majority part of our population care rat’s posterior for one Oprah Winfrey as a starter and even less, whether she visits India or not. So why such Hullabaloo for a person who cease to be nonexistent for a nation like ours where there are far more serious things to debate and ponder upon? How in earth the lady’s visit and her subsequent hobnobbing with Bolywood double entrants would help the commonalities who are still recouping from the stinker from Australia? How in earth it affects me as a creature who really hates people with big asses? How in earth it would make any difference to all if she is the one who would familiarize Amitab Bachhan’s granddaughter to the world or for that matter the disseminated snapshot of Anupam Kher alongside her and aberrantly looking at something else he strictly shouldn’t? I mean why the hell in the daybreak the first thing my newspaper would greet me, is with the news of Oprah Winfrey’s indebtedness on our family and traditional values? Didn’t I know this before? Did you say I would be sentient only because Oprah said so?
    Even if Oprah is putative to be the reincarnation of lord Vishnu to troupe upon us and will remind us of our true values; it would still be pleasant if someone from the ‘Oprah will mesmerize’ unit could intricate her precise contribution towards India? Has she done anything tenuously vivacious for us that we should lose our collective shit by the very mention of her name?
    People like Barkha Dutt are a notch ahead when it comes to shameless display of identity crisis and pioneer at self sodomy. In one of her cozy interview sessions at Jaipur Litfest she was seen almost undulating on the floor sniggering on the gags cracked by Oprah on India, Indians, our traffic lights, our driving sense and hell even our farting style. While most of the utilitarian lot would find Oprah’s comments more than just repugnance, strangely clowns like Ms.Dutt heavily encumbered with that grubby colonial mindset find it otherwise. They even find humor in the insult of the nation just because a certain Oprah Winfrey inflicted those insults. Can’t have a better example of us as a nation being badly bitten by that impudence bug. 
    I am not sure if people in USA would be wetting their pants laughing when encountered with a joke from SRK cracked on Americans, their nonexistence family values, the number of porn movies they make or even their strong affinity towards war. SRK apprehended at the Newark airport or A.P.J Abdul Kalam being searched at Boston and the response to our celebrities in that part of the planet is complete. On a second thought; no qualms on what happened to SRK. The traitor deserves this for obvious reasons.
    Hope we would resurrect ourselves to at least a level where we won’t cogitate ourselves to be so browbeaten that an individual with some kind of celebritydom would elevate us to grander pinnacles by just paying a visit to our country. We are a great nation of our own in every sense, which also includes being genuinely, warm towards our visitants but that doesn’t mean we laugh at the jokes or experiences cracked by the celebrity which more or less insults our nation and national ego at large. By the way, I hope Oprah in her next show would talk about the new found beggars of the Wall Street and let us have some laugh by cracking some nauseating jokes, much the way she joked at the Mumbai Traffic signal vendors. In the meanwhile, please someone take this lady Barkha Dutt out of air. She is rapidly looking like a eunuch in a marriage party and in all sense pissing me off.

    1 comment:

    1. Just like u watching Eunuchs in a wedding.. barkha dutt's antics are entertaining. Watch-Laugh-Repeat!