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Thursday, February 2, 2012

Open Letter To Myself

Dear Bullshitter, 
 
Let me say this at the outset. I was confused when I first read your nonsense a good ten years back and I am surprised now looking at the consistency of yours to still persist with the same gobbledygook religiously. While I continue to grope in the dark for reasons credible enough to fathom this gullible attempt at mass torture, are you for Neptune’s sake ready to believe; I in all respect find your blogs scarier than the worst holocaust of the world and yet it has got nothing to do with Terrorists, Maoists or Himesh Reshamiya?
 
Now that the time for some mirror projecting is at its demanding best, more so when it is long that you have hallucinated yourself in a big way since you think you possess the best of the outlook and brain any human can possess; more than what Manu Sharma carries for the law and order paradigm of the country, I only find it more than just obligatory to spank you at places which perhaps hurts the most and clear the air of phantasm engulfing your eyes before you agonize from some severe Motia Bind. Ten years? Hell, even Musharraf hasn’t tortured a nation for that long either.
 
To begin with; don’t we already have ample N.D Tiwaris, Devegowdas, Digvijay Sings, Mayawatis and Rahul Gandhis at our disposal that we have to tolerate another wag of some stature like you to torment us further? Not by your actions and orations but by your sheer power of writing garbage day-in and day-out, that too at so alarming regularity. Aren’t we citizens of this nation bearing plentiful by just enduring Ravi Shastri’s commentary (that too at unholy hours like 5 in the morning) on Star Cricket, that again at a time when we are all but getting molested on a cricket park quicker than Advani can even change the alloys of his Rath. After all this do we really have to stomach the verbal diarrhea that you fancy to vomit form your mouth (or fingers that are?), sturdily inhibited with that strong notion of self amplification every now-and-then?
 
For a starter, let’s first ponder at the deepest corners of the crap that you seem to be writing for last decade or so, and quite surprisingly not yet being tired of your nauseated achievements. All that we see around us (including rat’s posterior worthy entities like Lalu, Kalmadi, NAC, UPA, NDA or even the Indian Kaabbadi team) has got an advise or two from you to resurrect themselves to a trifling level that we can have some respect for them. At least more than what we have for an average credit card selling tout. That is so flabbergasting. I am flabbergasted not because I follow your blogs, but to get the confirmation that I am partaking the same world with someone who has long violated and defied the simple guidelines of human qualification. I am flabbergasted because I not only have weathered the disparagement of going through the vomiting which you presume to be good writing otherwise but also have lingered with enough patience to write this shitty feedback. And if the scribing of yours are not adequate for mental instability, at the end of the day what I have to read in your disclaimer? That you are neutral? Really? I rather believe Nitin Gadkari is on a strict diet plan instead.
 
Before we go further, it would be mighty nice of you to elaborate your self-righteous attitude. Why it is so prudent that you see wrong in every damn thing that surrounds us while surprisingly enough not a pinch within yourself? How in this complex world full with the Ranvijays of MTV Rhodies, you are the only one who is like a holy cow and seems to be wrapped under the thick waterproof sheet of Teflon? How it is only likely that the last persons to be criticized among the mortals and immortals are the likes of Jesus, Ram and Prophet himself but not you? Are you that untouchable when it comes to bad finger pointing? If so then I feel miserable to even wonder, how in earth Mayawati hasn’t yet figured you out to be her poll mascot as an untouchable icon? Or for that matter how she hasn’t yet ordered to build a grand statue (sporting that chest exploding with pride look) of yours besides her own purse carrying sight polluters. That is one real bad strategic move on the part of the UP chief minister to forget such an untouchable son of the soil like you.
 
And By the way, what is that ‘A Proud Odia’ linguistic jargon you have put, off late on your pathetic looking blog page? Do by any chance you want to claim yourself being the only one who still loves his state more than what an average Hariyana Jat loves to pounce on a hapless girl? That is so funny, let me tell you this. Not funny because you only find red and black are the colors to ornament your disgusting blog page for decoration, but because you might just topple Arnav Goshwami as the Odia of the year next time. For fear of having an identity crisis when pitched against you, the poor man who was seen shouting most part of his life while throwing one breaking news or the other in every 7.28 seconds at us is contemplating to leave the ‘Your Channel’ Times – Now and join hands with Talibanis to fight NATO or get engaged in opium trading and abduct Heena Rabbani Khar. I would be grossly surprised if your wife hasn’t yet bashed you up badly after hurling that divorce paper at your face for being a social disgrace. If not, then her case for sure justifies being on the next agenda of United Nation’s atrocity eradication.
 
So mate, get a life soon and I mean pretty quick at that also, as being a loser is no big fun. There are for sure better things to do than attempting vehemently to be a perfect definition of disgrace to humanity and sensible thinking. Even too judicious to be itched in golden letters on the pages of Encyclopedia Of Britannica. And please – Enough bullshit till now as we want some peace of mind after seeing Digvijay Sing’s face on TV, at least thrice every hour. And yes; If you think you are changing the world with your nonsensical writings or at least attempting at that? Then let me confirm this - The attempt failed more miserably than Jugal Hanshraj's Bollywood career.
 
Warm Regards
-Someone who dearly wants to make a Sreesanth out of you!!

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7 comments :

  1. Awesome. Now I understand what my dad meant when he says, learn to laugh at yourself first. Good self assassination. Keep writing.

    For sure your wife is not going to smack that divorce paper at you, if you are married. If not then I won't be that disinterested either :)

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  2. Overwhelming!!

    The last thing that I ever expected my blog to offer is a matrimony proposal.

    I for sure would take a printout of your comment and next time my wife cranks up a nagging session, I would furnish the same to set the record straight.

    BTW good name!!

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  3. Aptly put. But one thing you forgot to highlight, is your severe lack of civic sense.

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  4. @Vasu

    Thank you sir for the appreciation. And yes I don't expect much civic sense from Indians, including me when the Civics paper is of only 25 marks in our schools

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  5. Yes indeed, DJ...!
    And for those 25 marks of Civics, we just have to memorize a couple of Questions given at the end of the lesson...! :)
    How can anyone expect us to be Civic-sensed (civilized) people after all this???
    And yes, the Matrimonial messages tat you get on ur cell...I think the virus has spread to ur blog too! :D ;)

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  6. Excellant way of self criticism( or appreciation may I call it!!!!!)

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