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Friday, April 23, 2010

Nice Spectrum To Admire

Team Being Cynical
A.Raja did confirmed that the government is going to be richer by some 45,000 crore by these latest spectrum auctions of 3G spectrum. 3G? What is that? I have heard of KG (two variants), Yeh G, Ohh G, Loo G and even Suno G, but never this 3G, that too with one spectrum tucked away behind it. Might be one dedicated exclusively to all those ladies, so that they can be spared form using one G or the other in every sentence they utter for their helpless husbands. The trick is just use this 3G and the technology would take care of all the possible Gs. Thanks to A.Raja, I must say, a lot of burden is going to be taken off from all the women allowing them more time to make Ekta Kapoor one legend in double quick time.

Don't be so foolish. It is not the G type you mentioned and more so it has got no exclusive audience like women. It is something to do with mobile telephony, told my wife. Ohh is it? But why 3G? Are we done consuming 1G and 2G and possibly 0G already? No wonder experts say we would have more mobiles than the number of people in Indian within next decade and half. But still I had never heard of 1G or 2G auctions ever. Or are these the same auctions where Mr.Raja allegedly said to have gulped down few thousand corers, this time around making himself more richer than the government? In any whichever way this 3G is going to make mobile telephony more mobile, as per the experts again.

Mobiles getting more mobile? How is that going to be? Something like mobiles walking down themselves to their owners on the arrival of an incoming call or new message and tickle their owners to press the receive button? Must be damn time saving and a blessing for guys like me who always forget where they have kept their cell phones last. Is this 3G going to make the mobiles give us a head massage or Champi when we are back from office, clip our nails and give a trim to our nostrils, wax our ears also? No, it is not going to do the nostril, informed the mobile vendor. Might be reserved for 4G or 5G.

Earlier phones were used in cases where it is deemed as more than emergency. Due to the amount you had pay in order to use one such fancy item, the duration were in seconds. More like those coded crisp messages passed across continents during the World war-II time or the Bahus seen tarnishing their respective Sans in their own coded short sentences. Making outstation calls were rarity, same as seeing one falling meteoroid on odd evenings. None bothered to call till someone of the family did manage to break a couple of bones of theirs or somebody getting admitted to hospitals or somebody needs to be picked up from the station. Phones used to ring at that time unlike nowadays which prefer to sing all the latest bollywood hits, Gazals and even Gayatri Mantra.

Even the earlier days (Perhaps the 1G or 0G period, when cell phones were strikingly similar to cordless phones, used both as a phone and a weapon of attack for all those miscreants) of this mobile thing wasn't funny at all. I still remember paying the same amount of 6 rupee 30 paisa per minute, both for incoming and out going as well. We friends used to give each other miss calls to show that we are alive and have a virtual feeling of being in touch. In one such incident when one of my friend crashed his bike with a stray bull ending up braking both his thumbs and half of his moustaches ripped off, I did cancelled three of his SOS calls, thinking it as one of our feel good factor being in touch type calls.

Now the mobiles being armed with all these SMS, MMS and other MS not quite known to me are creating havoc at large. SMS has improved itself to a level where it has created a language of it's known. The word 'Great' is no more great but one GR8 and you is being promptly replaced by U. If time permits one can write a whole dictionary on this repulsive new lingo. Oxford, et all, be prepared, UR (your) DYS (days) R (are) NMBRD (numbered).

During my grand children's time when there would be one auction for some 11G conducted by some B. Rani, just like the Ocean's series, things would be quite different than this time around. First thing, there won't be any dumb like me fail to understand the G or for that matter 11 and the subsiquent features associated with it. The Champi, Nostril, Waxing or Cliping of nails won't be a issue as it is supposed to be accomplised in 4 or 5 G itself.

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