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Thursday, September 2, 2010

Best Circus Of India

Team Being Cynical
Mama, which is the best and most popular circus in India? My nephew asked me few years back. I was irritated to the core that time to see Harbajan Singh coming to bat as early as the 35th over of the match against Bangladesh. I was irritated still being aware that the men in blue are capable of even losing to Uganda, provided Uganda could come up with eleven men having both their limbs intact. So I refrained from further irritation and promised him with the answer later on. I was irritated then, and I am irritated now but the difference is that I now have the answer to the question of my nephew. If you are thinking it ought to be Jammu circus or any of that nonsense, then hold onto your thoughts. When the discussion is about some real circus then I am sure none would come anywhere near our own parliament circus, let alone be better. Our parliament with its five hundred odd performers is better than all other circuses of the world put together.

Variety is the key to success for our parliamentary circus. They don't bring about those monotonies of other circuses. Here the performers believe in the uniqueness of the acts they perform on daily basis. Here the performers don't obey the commands of the ring master (read speaker of the house) like all those tigers and lions do in a normal circus. Rather the ring master is warned to keep his filthy mouth shut instead. If warnings doesn't work then just take out your slippers and hurl it at the ring master for all good measures. That's precisely the way one should beat the living daylights out of the useless ring master. No wonder, both the speakers of our two houses have already employed George Bush as their mentor. The performers of other circuses are trained to perform unlike our parliament circus where the performers are not trained an ounce. It is a God-given gift. That's the beauty of it where the performers are neither trained nor educated but still manage to put up brilliant shows year after year without any tiredness. The fun part is - you don't have to pay a penny to watch this circus. It is available for free in channels like 'Loksabha TV' or something.

Our parliament is also the largest collection of magicians under one roof. 3.2 seconds is the average reaction time of our politicians to suffer a massive chest pain, the moment they know law enforcement agencies are staring at them for one of their many misdeeds. I am sure P.C. Sarkar would take much longer than 3.2 seconds to pluck a Rasogolla from thin air. Isn't it magic when you see our beloved Netaji fringing ignorance and accusing it as an opposition's conspiracy, even when he is caught with currency notes stuffed in his dhoti or clicked naked with a goat? Best of these magicians is a certain Suresh Kalmadi. For the last four years he is silently building the entire Commonwealth Games stadia underground since one can't see anything above for sure. Our Apex court was not spared even. Magic goes overdrive when our Netas display that 'I care balls' (at times even less) attitude towards our Apex court orders. Our Apex court judges were appeased with one such magic from our Krishi Mantri. They were so amused with his performance that they had to reprimand him and advised him to keep a tap on his unnecessary jingoisms.

Discipline is either the last word our politicians learn or the first one they give a miss to. All they believe is - I have an inflated ego (as I am 3rd standard drop out) and all better be aware of it. Before my ego gets hurt, I will make sure to hurl my slippers or smash few chairs on my fellow cabinet member's head or uproot a mike or two and swing it like Sudarshan Chakra around me. For the sake of my ego, I don't mind even breaking few flower pots at the parliament gate. Name calling, hair pulling, few of our good old punches on opponent's face, man handling and slipper hurling are just the order of the day inside that junk yard we know as parliament house.

Another act our circus members are fond of is to fool the nation and corruption. Let it be staying overnight in a Dalit's hut or doing a Rath Yatra so that Bhagwan Ram doesn't feel alienated. All these are gimmicks only to fool the nation. If this is not enough then standing on the dais with that mineral water bottle in hand and claiming himself to be the soldier of the tribal only talks about the tremendous acting skills of our politicians. Not to mention their full time job of worrying for the common man is worth commending. But when the hour of need would come these clownish circus members would no where be seen. You might find a clean cricketer in Pakistan cricket team but not a clean politician in India. These guys could easily put vultures to shame on any day. Sorry vultures - I have to draw a comparison at some point. No offense intended to you guys. A congregation of these crooks which we call Sarkar is busy in helping its own posterior to safety. Country can go to hell as long as our vote banks are intact, is the mantra of our representatives and Sarkar. If someone dares to stand against us, then just brand him antinational and unpatriotic and be done away with it is the second mantra.

If not anyone, my nephew would be delighted to hear the answer, provided he still carries the same flair for circus as he used to. He would be much more delighted when he will see the circus in 'Loksava TV' himself. As smart as kids are now-a-days, you never know he might just end up drawing parallels between the monkey, donkey and jokers of the circus with the Lalus, Bhalus, and Chaddies inside our parliament. This would be injustice and insult to the monkeys, donkeys for sure.

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