Can We Ever Come Out Of This Colonialism Mindset?

The Encyclopedia of Britannica is planning to change “Pandora’s Box” with the CWG: 2010. Just when you think the controversies are over and we would concentrate on the core thing – that is the Games itself and the athletes, another controversy pops up which would again make a lot of noise. If you look closely, all these controversies that erupted in the last month or so, 60% of them are just blown out of proportion by the media and individual idiots like me. For example, the hue-and-cry about the organizing committee members pissing all around, in open air inside the Games village. Frankly it is out of habit and the way we used to address our nature’s call. It is as good as making an issue if Americans wipe their but with a piece of tissue after their potty as we Indians use a barrel of water for the same act – that is cleaning our butt. Well I am not complaining though as it is supplying ingredients for yet another article.

The latest of the bizarre controversies that popped-up is – who is going to announce the games open? Before we go into the details, I have a fundamental query – why in earth you need such a condemned game be announced open anyway? For God's sake, just be done away with it without any further farce. Well this question would be considered fair bit radicalism in diplomatic and sporting circle. The norm for such mega events is to be opened by someone you idiot and we are not going to change that this time either. So opening is must. Fair enough – go ahead and open it. Where is the problem? And where is the issue? The problem is you dumb head – who is going to open it? But isn’t the Queen being the head of this so called wretched Commonwealth should announce it open? That’s where the problem mates. The poor lady for some strange reasons is not traveling to India and instead sending her son Charles to do the honors.

Charles- who? You ignorant brat - he is none other than the Prince of Wales, Charles. The, K.G. The legal heir (well almost) to her Majesty the Queen. So what? By the way what is that K.G tucked behind his name all about? Like some educational qualification – Kindergarten or something? Look at the funny British media, accusing us Indians being visionless. While their royal family is not yet sure, who is going to hire the crown after the demise of the Queen we at India are almost ready with our hire to Prime Minister’s seat. Not yet 40, bespectacled, talks in silken voice and he is not even a K.G.

Let’s not go out of the topic. Now why that Charles or whoever would open? Because the Queen herself has written back to apologies for her absence and confirming that it is her son who would open on behalf of her. Hang-on. Something is fundamentally wrong. Queen being the head of the Commonwealths (thanks to Chacha Nehru again) has got all authority to open the Games, but who has given her the liberty to outsource it? If she can’t come then she could send her husband instead. But why this Charles? Why we have to bear this gentleman in the name of the Queen? The person might be a K.G , P.G or whatever, that hardly matters and this flaunting of colonialism should best be practiced in Britain, if they want to but not outside. We have a simple request – Madam, if you can’t make it then it is absolutely fine as we ourselves are not too eager to welcome you anyway. But that doesn’t mean you outsource your responsibilities at your will for which you have no authority. Today some Charles, tomorrow it could be your horse and your dog on the third day. So please refrain from exercising your unnecessary powers which you are not entitled to it. Thank you so very much.

Now Charles the K.G is being snubbed off. Who is next inline to open? Kalmadi? Hell no. It is our president. That’s pretty much makes sense. I think even in the presence of the Queen, it should always be the state head of the hosting nation announcing the opening of the Games. And the last set making any noise on this arrangement should be the snobbish jack head British. If it was fine for the king of Malaysia to announce the Games open back in 1998, even in the presence of the Queen herself, then it’s perfectly fine for our president to repeat the same. More so, when the Queen thought of outsourcing her responsibilities to some Charles. Gone are the days of colonialism as each of the members of Commonwealth are sovereign nations. Showing respect to the Queen because of a historical baggage doesn’t anyway suggest we should continue to tolerate her jibes and vibes. I won’t be surprised if after the demise of the Queen someone out of the British royal family becomes the Commonwealth head. You certainly can’t find a better person than Nelson Mandela for this post. I am sure many countries would have some serious objections of Charles becoming an automatic hire to this position.

Now please someone educate the spokesperson of the British Royal family, who was fuming all over the media yesterday. He was trying to be at his humorous best when he pointed out all the bad pictures that’s been published about CWG and how fortunate Pratibha Patil is to get such huge roar (out of nowhere) in favor of her. As per him when Pratibha Patil was elected as president many had their dissatisfaction shown openly. Now such foolishness is not expected from the spokesperson of the so called royal family when he gets confused with the president’s chair with the person sitting on it. Anyway – we can’t expect much rational behavior from a bunch of creatures still confined in a colonialism cocoon. On a second thought – Forget our president, forget that damn prince. Why not allow the architect of this whole mess, his highness and holiness, the one and only Shri Shri Suresh Kalmadiji to do the honors?