Horror Of A Script Writer

I am a script writer and I am not feeling good about that. I feel sorry for the day and at the same time curse all those idiots who gave me the belief that I am a script writer of highest degree, possessing an extra ordinary talent. I must look beyond writing just the scripts for our village Nautanki, they advised. Jolted by a sudden bout of self greatness this poor fellow left for Delhi in search of a greener pasture. I rue the day when I put my foot on that state transport bus.

If this was not enough I smashed my foot again on the axe when I accepted to write scripts for the Bhasans of a local corporater of south Delhi. I certainly had some talent in writing Bhasans, I must say as today I write Bhasans for who's who of the political fraternity. From the Prime Minister to Suresh Kalmadi. All vomit my lines before the public. Momta Didi and Mananiya Behnji included. Do you remember- 'val hoptons var hopen' and that famous 'Mautka Saudagar' nonsense of Sonia Gandhi? Both are my creations. Let me pat my back a little. But to admit honestly - my life is filled with horrors to say the least. The chaps who fight terrorists at the border are better of than me as they have lesser problems to handle. Anyways, the guys for whom I write Bhasans are no less than any terrorist though.

Last week I was called on by Sheela Dixitji to write a thoughtful Bhasan for her. It should be such that - people would be mesmerised and forget the loot that we accomplished in the name of CWG, she demanded. Don't forget, after this Bhasan people should genuinely start believing that we did a good job as organizers and they will have the best Commonwealth games ever. She added this with her polished, Mirinda House ascent. I nodded my head and so did Suresh Kalmadi sitting beside her.

Should I start with Bhaion aur Behno ? Nonsense - This is not an election rally. I would be addressing a whole bunch of educated chaps wearing all those designer suits and thigh exposing skirts. Not the bhuka nangas of the street whom we fool with Bhaion aur Behno line in every election. Ladies and Gentlemen would be better. Would it be fine if just after this greeting I start rubbishing all the money gulping allegations against the organizing committee? Goodness gracious - do you carry a brain? I admit our citizens suffer from a short term memory loss, but certainly not this short. By rubbishing the allegations you will only air the already half mellowed down fire. Didn't I said we are going to talk only the good things? Do you understand my polished English or not? I nodded my head and so did Suresh Kalmadi again. God only knows why Mayawati referred your name to me. I don't understand why she said, it is your script that let the people of UP cry with love and affection for her when she inaugurated her 512th statue.

The first line after the greetings should be a huge promise of a successful games. If the promise turns out false later, we would handle it then by blaming it entirely on the daily wage labourers employed for CWG constructions. I didn't nodded my head this time but, Suresh Kamadi, at this point seemed visibly happy and nodded his head with double speed. Don't forget to use the word world class in every line. The best of the lot is - world class facilities. I am sure the chaps don't know what a world class facility looks like. Let them have this satisfaction and perception that what ever we have come up with after our loot is world class. We are here to save ourselves and fool the nation once again, not to educated few idiots. I am not sure where, but at some point assure the audience that every single penny allocated for CWG has gone down the right lane. I think the second last line of the Bhasan would be perfect for this. Be sure that the whole script should be full with punches. I don't mind if few of them are at the opposition or whoever is unearthing our loot.

Patriotic, patriotism and national pride are few words which you should use with leisure. Blame all those scoundrels who are against our loot as unpatriotic and anti-nationals. Don't go too far though. Don't term their act as a treason; just stop a notch below. Warna, Leneki Dene Padjayenge. Trust me, even this piece of Hindi sounded like a line in english with all her polished ascent. Well we are almost done as I don't think I have to tell you our standard last line of any Bhasan. It is pretty much reserved and a mandate. I nodded my head for the first time in denial. Ok fine, for your benefit let me tell you this. End the script with the sentence - Under the able leadership of Mataji and Rahul Gandhi I am sure we will have a game that would stand as an example for the rest of the world. Mataji? Sheelaji looked at the wall with pictures of her high command and smiled at me with some satisfaction. Oh yes, how in earth one can forget to add Mataji's name in any congress man's Bhasan. I would certainly have her name to end with. Suresh Kalmadi nodded again.

There was some short of discussion went around to decide, if I should write another piece for Suresh Kalmadi who is again supposed to address the same meeting. Finally they decided to go ahead with one script only - Sheelaji reading from top to bottom and Kalmadji from bottom to top. I was handed with my advance pay cheque and shown the door to move mu butt and get onto the work assigned.

Gee! I am getting late for my Marathi classes. Keep this a secret - I am assigned with the task of writing firey speeches for Raj Thakrey also. But his only demand is, all should be in Marathi and not to mention I should know how to, both write and read the language. Marathi Manoos you know. So catch you later.

You Have Got Male

Just when you think men can't get more absurd, someone goes and proves you thoroughly wrong. Take for example my friend Janardan (not his real name). An entire collection of the findings of his nasal excavation hangs under his desk. These findings are dug out by this idiot (his real name), examined minutely and flicked away if not up to the mark. Rest are archived. Ladies - Janardan is still single.

In the mid nineties some author did tried to suggest - men are from Mars and women are from Venus, through his book's title. I am not sure from where did women came - from Venus or some other particularly nagging and irritating planet (like Rahu or Ketu) but for certain men are not from a beautiful planet like Mars. I am not talking only about creatures like Lalu Yadav, Suresh Kalmadi, Mulayam Sing Yadav or Himesh Reshamiya. Absolutely every male on the street is a potential pain for any one's posterior. Don't believe me ? Then ask both Sashi Tharoor and Lalit Modi. Hang on. What about Mayawati, Mamta Banerjee and Rabri Devi? Are they also male? Well I love to answer that gender oriented query, but let me not be politically incorrect at the beginning of the blog. Guess what; this is again another classic case of male absurdity - making everything political and dragging away from the topic. May be changing the paragraph will help.

Now I am feeling lot better.

I have this friend named Batuklal. I still consider him a friend even though for my 20th birth day he gifted me some kind of reptile eggs, which thanks heaven never hatched. Just when I was sure, any male on this planet (from any country) would love to take the Supari of Ekta Kapoor, there come my friend in the form of a slap to my believe. He perhaps could be the only male in the planet whose wife have a serious concern for her husband's Saas - Bahu fascination. Don't get it wrong. As any household goes there is also a perpetual Cricket Vs Ekta Kapoor fight going around - but just the other way round. How can you tolerate such pain, I asked. I mean how in earth you can see the rapid focusing of the camera on the character's face ( as if the cameraman fell off his char) coupled with the sound more dramatic and louder than the combination of cat fight, hoarse neighbours, someone vomiting and a Jagjit Sing CD played in fast forward. How you can digest and remember so many saazis erupting on daily basis? I am yet to get an answer back though.

I know a certain Bharatnatyam dancer named Shankarshan. He took to dancing as his grand father was one pioneer in the art form and wanted badly for his grandson to take forward his legacy. He started bit late with the learning as for most part of his first 15 years either he was busy spying from his 2nd floor room to the adjacent bathroom of his neighbour or getting canned at school for breaking all records (from bottom) of school's history with his marks. By the time he got freed from his extraneous activities and got into the dancing shoes, his grandfather was not even in a situation to walk, let alone doing some Bharatnatyam. So the responsibility was left to one of his students named Padmini to teach Shankarshan.

Not to mention Padmini was almost double the age of the student and as per Shankarshan was somewhat ugly also. The news came to us after seven long years - Our beloved Shankarshan at the ripe age of 21 eloped with a married women of 41. The women left behind her 3 children and a more than sorry looking husband. I don't think I should mention the women's name. This act seeded the death sentence of his grandfather who by that time had one foot firmly on the graveyard. Some say it was an heart attack. Shankarshan's mother went to a permanent mental instability.

Over the ages men have continued to prove everyone wrong. A little chat to any one's wife would confirm this assertion. Even Pakistan can be predictable and dependable at times (e.g quite dependable that they would continue infiltrating terrorists to our side) but not an entire species called male.

How To Sleep During Office Hours

How should one sleep during office hours? I asked this to everyone whom I was aware of stealing a decent nap during those unholy eight hours. See, it is nothing like Newton's laws of motion that I can read out the theorem and boom!! - you are ready to sleep peacefully at your desk without annoying anyone, said one friend. It is all about eventuality, opportunity and intuition that masters you in this art and still you don't have to raise the blood pressure of your perpetual sorry looking boss to fatal proportions, he added. Naa, this is not the answer I was looking for. I kept on asking one after another in my quest for some foolproof, boss proof and most important pink slip proof trick. But all the time I was encountered with answers which made me more confused than I were to begin with.

Far from being satisfied with these abstract answers, I twitted the same question to see, if I can get some help from the cyber space. I was expecting trillions of answers as there are millions of entities around the globe who are professional enough in this trick to sleep a major part of their work time and still run away with the employee of the year award at the end of the quarter. My expectations were short lived as I encountered the same set of 'eventuality,opportunity and intuition' nonsense in most of the replies. For God's sake - I want to know how to sleep at my desk not how to grope a girl in a crowded subway.

Frustrated and dejected when I was about to abort my quest, there came this this gentleman from no where. An angle incarnate, I must say. He assured me and I am in turn assuring you - "it is a cake walk". No, this is the first line you should embed in your heart before you go about your assignment. Self confidence, you know? Do remember - when guys can fart loudly and then have the audacity to wave their hands violently and give that 'who did this nonsense' look and get away, it still is an easier task. Mental toughness is the key to success here. For better results you can keep couple of these farting giants as your source of inspiration.

Always keep this mambo-jumbo in your mind - 'Slow and steady wins the race'. Don't expect or try to go to a deep slumber on the very first attempt that dreams come visiting you. You will eventually reach that epitome, but as they say all good things are achieved by perseverance and patience. Friends who do have snoring problem (barely manageable to stop their wives from calling up the divorce lawyer) should immediately get hooked up with your physician. Either work on your sound mechanism or drop this idea of office jolly good time. It shouldn't happen that with your snoring you alarm not only your vigilant boss sitting fifty yards to your right but also your CEO at the third floor cabin. Along with you it would also be a catastrophe for all other colleagues of yours (for no apparent fault of theirs) who by that time would be dreaming of being alienated in a barren island with a nymphomaniac super model.

As we are done with the pre-requisite gyan lets start with our real learning. Morning half seems bit unprofessional. But you can always go for it as everything is fare in sleep and sex. Keeping aside those few gentlemen who throw their bags in the desk and start sleeping the next second, lets make it more general and talk about the possibilities and ways available for the taking in the second half. As any professional would suggest - you won't get a better time than the hour that follows the lunch break. A true professional can even sleep right under the sniffing nose of his boss in the meeting room and still be patted on the back for being the most vigilant during the discussion, but for novice and learners the hour in spotlight is nothing less than a diamond mine.

First and foremost thing you should do is to go to your boss's desk just after lunch. Don't forget to wear that broke down from workload look and the impression, as if you are carrying the whole world on your able shoulders. Once you are sure that your boss has taken a note of your responsible attitude, do discuss briefly (as you don't want to waste much time of your golden hour on any nonsense. Do you?) on a recently assigned task. See to it that your boss gets a feeling that you are in a mission to complete the task by the day end. This act of yours has two benefits :-

1. Your boss might not visit your desk for couple of hours at least as you have already made your priorities clear to him. I am sorry if your boss posses some uncanny Byomakesh Bakshi attitude, which is rare as bosses are by defination dumb.

2. If by mistake you snore during your master act, you would be the last person your boss would doubt (if he himself is not sleeping by then) to be the originator of this sound pollution.

Baldness is not always a curse, as you thought it to be. Apart from saving money on combs, mirrors and other sundry items like hair gels, baldies do have a stifle advantage here. If the top is as clean as a Tabla, then nothing like it. You can take Alok Nath as a burning example of the type of top I am talking about. When you bend your head to sleep, the clean surface looks strikingly similar to a human face from a distance. If you are bespectacled also then let me assure you - even Barrack Obama would be envious of your position. Just place your specs at a strategic position in your head (if possible double check in front of a mirror). There you go - you not only would look awake but also busy in work with those pair of your spectacles on.

Make sure that you select your screen saver not to appear ever. Or all together delete that option (I am not sure if it is possible, but you can always try). If possible change the operating system. That good for nothing Bill Gates deserves this for introducing such employee un-friendly artifacts. Hope you are not dumb enough and go to sleep showing your desktop only. Open your workspace or some documents related to the discussion you had with your boss few minutes before (remember my first tip?). Oh yes, make sure that your desk phone ringer is slammed to mute position. First, it shouldn't disturb in your sleep and second it won't make others suspicious as to why you are not picking the call still being at your desk. You can always achieve your goals silently, why bring unnecessary attention.

There is another art of sleeping in upright position or better in the standing position - much like the way horses sleep. Guys who achieve these two master forms are gems to admire. Many say this is God-given gift, but for me practice makes a man perfect. By the way I am in the middle of learning this trick and I am just about to turn professional in this unique art. So watch out when I come around with my tips and suggestions in this phenomenon.

So for all the Tom, Dick and Harries, I hope this piece of stuff would help in achieving what they might be trying for some time. As always I appreciate suggestions and new ideas, so that we can make this endeavour more foolproof. Lets together achieve what none has done and leave behind a book on this as a memorabilia for the generations to come. "Kal Khel Main Hum Na Rahen, Rahenge Sada Yeh Nisaniyan". Well have to go to sleep now.

Statutory Warning:- Depending on personal differences, these strategies may not be completely beneficial to your health. The author in no way should be held responsible for your rotten fate if there is a mis-use, over-use or even a perfect use of the ideas mentioned here.

Do We Respect Our Icons?

Do we really give respect to our national icons - I want to ask this to all our Politicians and Babus, if they are done with their salary hike drama and free to answer. In fact it is my mistake that I am asking this question to a set of highly incompetent and lazy potbellies to begin with. As the past examples and the latest tantrum thrown at Viswanathan Anand yesterday should have provided the answer - we don't respect anything, let alone the national icons or any of that nonsense.

Our whole bureaucratic system seems to be a combination of Red Tapes, White Lies and Greenhorn jokers. Or else how can one explain the jibes of our HRD ministry when it asked a person of the caliber and stature of Vishy Anand to provide documents to prove that he is an Indian. Let me assure you - Anand could be more Indian and patriotic than all of those babus and politicians put together. One would definitely get bewildered and run out of words to explain his frustration on this whole, not so required and unnecessary drama that unfolded yesterday afternoon. More than anyone I feel pity on the babu who asked Vishy to prove his nationality. Either he didn't applied his brain or doesn't have a brain to apply, to begin with.

The person who dedicated all his life for the nation and made sure that he brings a smile and sense of pride to Indians like you and me, every time he played is humiliated in his own country. A person who always represented India with the tricolour promptly tucked beside him, every time he is at the table has to prove to which country he belongs. All this for what ? He was supposed to be bestowed with a honorary degree (which he never asked) yesterday evening. Now coming back to the protocol - should it be the job of the dean of the university or the HRD ministry to figure out? Does the British University asked for the clearance from the queen before honouring Manmohan Sing with a Ph.d? Or does they seek clearance from the then government when they honoured Satyojit Ray with a honorary degree back in 1978?

Why everything in India have to go to the table of some idiotic babu sitting in his Delhi office in the name of some useless red tape? Where was the same government and their red tapes when they were running after a mindless artist who ditched India and promptly taken up citizenship of some other country? Our home minister even went to the extent of assuring to withdraw all cases pending against that joker and begged him to comeback to India. But when it comes to Vishy Anand, the poor chap has to fax his passport copies to prove, he is an Indian. Thousands of Bangladeshi refuges can come here and be welcomed with housing schemes, ration cards and voter cards also. But Vishy has to prove how Indian he is as he doesn't constitute a vote bank. Isn't it bizarre? Should I call this a sorry state of affairs or an early sign of our able sarkar for all of us to seriously think about a religion change?

Honestly the king of chess who can count on his fingertips; how many times he was been check mated in the game is comprehensibly check mated by our dirty bureaucracy and red tapes. Wasn't our babus aware of the fact that Anand denied a one million dollar offer from Spanish government to play for Spain, instead he went on to represent India in the world championship? When the same babus who would sell of our country in exchange of that million dollar are questioning the Indian-ness of Anand. It is only an irony and humiliation not only to Anand but all of us Indians.

In fact this this not the first time. Few days back a man like Leander Paes (who won 12 grad-slams for India) has to write letters to ITA to release his much deserved dues. We force a person like Dhanraj Pillay (perhaps the best forward world hockey has ever seen) to cry in front of the camera and vow not to let his son play our national game ever. We allow our war heroes to rot on the streets of Delhi and force them to return their gallantry awards in protest. So in the same scheme of things, Anand's insult is just another feather in our already bedazzling cap.

I apologise to Vishy for this behaviour of our babus. Hell with these jokers, when you know there are a billion plus people who adore and love you. A billion plus people are never in dilemma regarding your nationality. An idiocy of few buffoons shouldn't be generalised as the whole of India knows who are the true sons of the soil and yes you don't have to wave your passport for that. Hope we won't repeat this ever.

Suniye Mantriji

"There are somethings that money can't buy; for everything else my salary is not sufficient". Mind it - don't add up the amount of money I syphon out or the amount of public money that I gulp down every now and then. I admit - in the past I even haven't spared cattle food or toilets, but those are not part of my regular income as they are highly inconsistent in coming around. So what my regular income is my salary which stands at mere Rs16000/- per month only and you know how tough it is to run a family with that amount in a place like Delhi. Along with that I also have to cater to the who's who of my constituency and to top it all I have to save a considerable part of it to pay the goons back home during election time. To sum it up, I also have to work for the common man among all these financial headaches. If anyone in this planet who deserves a pay hike are guys like us.

Take a breath Mantriji. Points taken and most of us are convinced and ok with your salary hikes (It is not that we could have disagreed and stopped Pranab Da from announcing the hike). But on a smaller note, as you guys are getting payed from the money that I usually vomit during Feb & March months of every year, I think I have this much of liberty to have a little chat with you before I leave his excellency in peace to think about the well being of the nation.

Thank you so much sir. If you promise to spare my life, I have to table a straight forward opinion of mine on this whole salary hike drama. Honestly you guys are not good enough and deserving to even get this Rs 16000/- that you are getting. You guys are so worthless that even Dawood Ibrahim would look a better asset for our country than you 500 odd bundle of jokers.

One of the cunning most from your lot Lalu Yadav seems to have some other argument in favour of your demand. More than managing the financial headaches you mentioned he seems to have one or two ego going along. If you can, could you please elaborate that one rupee more than the secretary salary nonsense going around? I admit the potbellied high end babus are no different or less from you guys when it comes to corruption, foxing common mass and nefarious dealings, but still they are somewhere accountable for their acts. To begin with they are top notch bureaucrats of this country with some responsibility and accountability. They are at some point answerable to their bosses if not the public for whom they are designated servants. If not anything at least they have to attend their office on daily basis unlike you guys who only attend the parliament when you feel like or out of jail. Frankly, I see your demands of one rupee more pay than the babus is more absurd than expecting Rajnikanth to show respect to Newton's laws of Physics in his movies. Why don't you follow the general rule of corporates - if you are paid some X amount; the least your employer expects to get at least 3X in return, if not more. Unfortunately here the common man like me are your employers. Instead you guys gulp down a lot of our money (I don't know how many X) in the due course of your employment, let alone returning our 3X.

As your esteemed friend has already started this comparison, lets have a little analysis on that. Can you throw some light on the qualification of you guys? Hang on - I know you guys have masters in corruption, unlawful acts, blabbering, foxing common man, trouble making, bunking your responsibilities and what not. Anything other than this in your resume would certainly help asserting your demand. Oh yes, I can understand. Take your time and can let me know in a month or two. I also have this hell of a confusion - you guys do have such strong hearts to make sure that our country does a nose dive in her development, growth and all other aspects. But when by any chance if our law enforcement agencies come calling on you, how you guys suddenly suffer from a bout of chest pain? How come all of you can have the convenient chest pain at the nick of time?More than anyone you should be thankful to your pre-programed and obedient heart for standing beside you at the time of need. I am equally confused on how you guys are capable of fringe ignorance and claim it a handy work of your opposition even if you guys were caught with money stuffed in your dhoti or clicked naked with a goat.

Mantriji, have you seen those 5000 odd ex-servicemen agitating in Delhi for last couple of days? Are you aware of their demand of one rank one pension policy? Are you aware that our own war heroes returned their gallantry medals in protest? Do you know they are protesting for last 25 years for this? Isn't it strange that our heroes who once put their lives in danger, so that we can remain safe and guys like you remain busy in your crooked activities are on the streets begging for a very legitimate demand? Aren't our heroes more deserving than you set of seasoned buffoons? I know these are very uncomfortable questions. But I expect no politician, however astute he may be should duck these questions and move on.

I hope Mantriji, our little chat today might have cleared some air of complacency. I expect some sense of maturity would prevail and you guys won't end up doing a school boyish act of ego tussle. And if possible some of you should stand up and listen to what our war heroes has to say. For me if anyone is most deserving of their demands (of pay hike) are the set of 5000 odd of our heroes who are on the streets of Delhi for last two days. If wishes were horses..... :(

Value Of Life In India

If the heading is a question then the answer is not much. It may drastically change to "yes a huge concern" for all if you are one of those VIP, VVIP or kin of our beloved Mantriji. For others let your life insurance take care of your life, if you happens to have one with you. It is not me but a collective psyche of a billion plus people along with our hounding media who think so. Of late another category of lives that got added to this illustrious list of concern - If you belong to a part of India which is a political hot potato and have got enormous opportunities for our politicians to bake their bread with ease then your life is as precious as a diamond for all. For other places (how big or important it may be), the insurance premium still holds the key.

Couple of days back I was in Bengaluru and a disturbing news was doing the rounds at that part of the world. Surprisingly our digital media which springs into action and air nonsenses like a heavily sneezing Mantri or death of the great grand father of a cine actor were no where seen covering this somewhat important and disturbing story. The reason seems quite simple - those who died were least of an importance to the country and might be termed as disgraces to the nation. So who cares? No wonder the media houses won't find enough advertisements to sponsor their story, even if they want to air it. They won't get the likes of Manish Tiwari or Ravishankar Prasad to debate on it either. When our media is concerned about a single life lost due to security firing in Kashmir valley and go on airing whole day showing the swollen ass of a stone pelter resulted due the lathi (weapon of ass destruction) work of a CRPF jawan, can't they air the story of the deaths of 20 individuals in 48 hours? Or is it because the 20 lives lost are all beggars belonging to a destitute home, we shouldn't bother much? Or is it Kashmir and Omar Abdullah bashing is our only priority and other issues can very well take a back seat? Along with the 20 deaths these set of questions are equally disturbing.

20 persons died in the Bengaluru beggars home in 48 hours and would you believe the reason - due to unhygienic food. Still neither the state authorities, the city corporation nor our central government or media were bothered, let alone being concerned. Even the street debaters on this issue were skeptical with majority seems to be happy getting rid of these beggars from their city. Ahh.. Finally Bengaluru streets would be less by 20 of these sight polluters, said one gentleman. Have we become so unsympathetic towards human lives? Where gone all those gyans of Bhagwat Gita which most of us have one in our possession? Where is that song 'Hind Desh Ke Nivashi Savi Jana Ek Hain', which we teach our young kids to believe and respect? All these teachings seems to have gone down the dirty drains.

We common men are the biggest set of cartoons, which would easily put Tom - Jerry team to shame. We can raise our voice and might just end up slapping the waiter of the train if we get the stale daal. We could tear out the pocket of the traffic constable if he apprehends us for driving without a helmet. We would go to serious beheshwaji (most of the times ending with some exchange of punches) with our neighbour if his dog is seen shitting in front of our gate. Where is this vigour when it comes to the death of our 20 fellow citizens? Most probably the common man spouts into action only when his interests are endangered or his own money is involved. If that is the case then let me tell you, it is you and me who cough out around 27 crores annually from our pockets so that these beggar homes can run.

Now I am sure there would be few voices who would vouch for a thorough enquiry on the whole issue. Please stop there and hope you guys don't end up asking for the resignation of the chief minister. As expected, only after TOI published this money aspect on the whole tragedy the chief minister Mr. B.S. Yeddyurappa did finally thought of visiting the destitute home and take a first hand stock of the situation himself. The images of the CM caught doing the Babrachi act and doing the rounds where he was seen covering his face with his hanky and in the verge of vomiting tells more stories than it hides. Another image where the rice which was supposed to be consumed by these beggars was seen lying on a cement slab near the toilets. I am sure even a street dog would have reservations in eating that rice. We are talking about humans Mr. Yeddyurappa, not dogs. Just by stirring that daal vessel (with one pam on your nose) won't solve anything. You should answer us all where our 27 crores are going or at least can let us know the person who can answer this with some authority. Let me not elaborate other unhygienic details of this home, as I might just spoil your day.

This is where we are after 63 long bhasans at the red fort. We don't value our democracy, we don't value our independence, we don't value our culture, we don't value our teachings, we don't value our fellow citizens and in fact we don't value anything. Come on guys. I am talking about 20 innocent and poor lives, not the lives of few nefarious anti socials seen hurling stones at our own security forces. We must seek answers for these 20 lives not because our 27 crores is involved but the chaps who died or their friends who fortunately are still alive are least expected to defend themselves and demand answers. Mr.Yeddyurappa, you defended violently the Reddy brothers and congratulations for that, but for God's sake stand up and defend these weak and down trodden individuals. If not anything I am sure their blessings might just help you serve the state as a CM for second time in a row. Hope this bragain would impress you. May those 20 poor souls rest in peace. Good night!

Proud To Be Unpatriotic

Today morning I was greeted with a mail from one of my readers (a real irritated one). According to him - everyone loves a dissenting voice as it is the flavour of democracy but people like me and articles of mine are exactly at the wrong end of this dissenting circus. He feels guys like me and Mani Shankar Aiyer and a whole bunch of other self-righteous citizens should be hounded out or taken back to school and taught, how to articulate constructive dissent. If my behaviour is not unpatriotic then we better change the meaning of patriotism, he added.

Ok fine. Fault admitted and endeavour towards constructive articulation already started. How about beginning with changing the age old famous statement of John F. Kennedy ? - "Ask not what your Sarkar can do for you - ask what you can do for your Sarkar". Sarkar instead of Country.

This visage of my reader left me flip through few pages of dictionary to find out the meaning of patriotism. It says - devoted love, support and defence of one's country; national loyalty. My friend, in the context of the meaning outlined in the dictionary, I must take the last line of your mail (me as the definition of unpatriotic) with a truck load of salt. If I may be permitted then let me tell you - patriotism is standing up for one's country and not for the government of the day. Let me assure you also - a country is far bigger than the Sarkar running it . If a bad policy is harming the country then it could be said that criticising the government is the most patriotic thing in the world. And this is precisely what I do through my articles. Picking the wrong end of the stick for reasons unknown to me and trying to equate country with the government is one mistake I hope my esteemed reader won't repeat.

The dictionary definition of patriot is valid in other countries, but not so in India. Other countries who call themselves democracy have their government to serve the people. But in India it is the people who are their to serve the government. If this is not absurd we are also supposed to tolerate their callousness and corruption.

Look at the present day Sarkar we have. It's behaviour and actions for last year and half would easily make any sane person turn cynical. Lets start with our Prime Minister. The poor chap doesn't bother what is happening to his right or left. He is too glued to his cell phone for any incoming message from the high command; the country can take care of itself. He is one person who minds his own business, if at all he has got any business to mind. I am sure he would have a tough day if by any chance his mobile service provider crashes even for an hour. This very emotion and context less act our PM allows the other phonies in his government to behave the way they wish.

We have this Railways minister who doesn't feel like attending parliament as she is too home sick for it. Her response to her critics is simple and crisp - My home is Kolkatta not Delhi, and you idiots should have this basic knowledge before questioning my parliament bunking. A fertilizer minister have a miserable 23% attendance but he doesn't find it good enough a concern to explain about his absent nature. We have an environment minister who seems to have problems with every creature in this planet. He has this perpetual belief that the whole world is in a mission to screw up India's environment and ecosystem. Be it an international airport or a community center. Our Road transport and Highways minister sets some aggressive goals for himself, only to receive rap in his knuckles from our planning commission chairman as he doesn't expect road contractors to run the nation.Our cricketing agriculture minister has this confusion of his life - which field he belongs, Paddy or Cricket. He is not aware of our food deficit or if at all we have any food policy or not but sure enough of the money Lalit Modi gulped down in the whole IPL farce and if he has received the last penny of his share in the loot. Another minister took to tweeting as his medium of governance. Thankfully he was booted out before he could create a havoc of sort. A great collection of vernacular colourful entities, I must admit.

As Sheela Dixit pointed out (much in the same line as my reader) that questioning about CWG is not only unpatriotic but also illogical. As per her the questions only shows the failure to understand the real reason India is hosting this game. And the reason has nothing whatsoever to do with national pride, promoting our country in world forum or any of that nonsense. The real reason is actually to allow the Sarkari network (including the middlemen and contractors) to make a lot of money by foxing the common mass. So dare anybody question this collective loot. Didn't this threat frightened you? Fair enough - Please don't question this collective loot for the sake of patriotism. How does this sounds now?

And what is that latest nonsense of 300% pay hike without doing anything? lets not talk about it. Better for our mental peace. God only can save this country, if at all he has got any considerable free time. If questioning all these gross mismanagement, makes me one unpatriotic national, then I am better of as an unpatriotic than be otherwise.

Independence Day - Just Another 24 Hours

Qsn :- What is the significance of August 15th?
Ans :- Well you know, hmm, you know one of those important dates...hehehe...hmmm. Ok fine.It is an off day but awfully a boring one as it is a dry day. God only knows for what and why. The idiotic civic authorities should have their asses spanked black and blue for such a horrendous decision and *$@#^&*....

Hang on. We got the answer.No frustrations please.

I won't be surprised if this is the answer from one of those smarty pants of current generation. Many keep a note of this day (now-a-days), more for it being a dry day than our independence day and make sure to stack their refrigerators with adequate amount of beer the previous night, so that the off day doesn't become an utterly boring one. No wonder guys like Saheed Bhagat Singh would be feeling ashamed to divulge their identity to fellow inmates up in heaven and cursing themselves for fighting all through their lives and dieing to make this day a reality.

More than blaming and feeling sorry it is time for some introspection. People realize the significance when you value them. First question we should ask ourselves before blaming - are we valuing our independence? For that matter, did we ever valued it to begin with? The other day I heard my four year old niece reciting a poem while rehearsing for her independence day function in school. 'God save my country. God save my tricolor, God save my leaders'.

God save my leaders? - quite an irony isn't it? Even a toddler is praying for her so called leaders. What the leaders are doing in return for her? Looting around. Syphoning even the money meant to be spend on the development of these very toddlers like my niece. Indulging in every sort of nefarious activity that our IPC talks about. Certainly, these buffoons need more prayers for their good health so that they can continue uninterrupted. I wish my niece doesn't grow up to see the dirty side of these crooks and end up reciting 'God save my country.God save my tricolor. God save everyone except these scoundrel leaders' or worse losing her faith completely on the value of independence and democracy.

Honestly we went wrong from the time Pandit Nehru hoisted our tricolor for the first time back in 1947. With utmost respect to our national anthem - I have one or two objections to it. We were fresh out of a brutal partition full with bloodshed. The general psyche was against the Muslims and none seems to fancy the word secularism back then. Not even great thinkers like Nehru or Patel. But that doesn't make us smart fellows to choose a song which was primarily written for the welcome ceremony of King George V , as our national anthem. "Taba Suva Name Jage, Taba Subha Asisha Mage. Gaye taba jaya gatha". Why on earth we would beg (perpetually) for the blessings of a seasoned thug who sucked us for the better part of his life? Why we will recite his jaya gatha when he might not have done any good work worth praising.

Guys who defend this mockery of our great nation through this anthem as they believe it is not the king but the God who is referred, should be asked to keep their hypocrisy to themselves. If we are thinking of a true nation building then first we have to admit our mistakes, even if it happens to be the selection of our national anthem. Muhammad Iqbal's 'Sare Jahan Se Achha' was thrown to the dustbin only because he was a Muslim. This is not nation building for sure, when you compromise with the national pride for your political gains and keep on defending your blunder for the rest of your life.

Our tricolor was not free from controversies. Even if it was hoisted first time in 1947, it was officially accepted as our national flag in 1950. All these three years discussions were going behind close doors with suggestions coming from all corners on how to build up another hypocrisy. Initially our tricolor was rejected as it was more religious centric. Namely Green for the Muslims. Saffron for the Hindus and white for all other religions. A fight was there to decide which color should be at the top. You can very well guess which religion would be fighting for what color . Thankfully somebody explained (read hypocrisy) that the colors doesn't represent any religion but peace, unity and harmony respectively. Our forefathers are hypocritical about our national flag even and they expect us to value the democracy and independence.

If these starting jolts were not enough, the leaders those who followed did more damage to the value of a free nation than resurrecting it. Corruption has become our new national anthem of late. A murder convict like Vikash Yadav can come out of jail as and when he wishes. Another spoiled brat in the name of Manu Sharma can come out of jail on a pleasure trip and go on honouring most of the pubs in Delhi. A minister can gulp down few thousand crores of public money and was never questioned of his conduct. In the name of national pride (CWG) few crooks go on a money laundering mission putting the whole nation's prestige at stake. A serving chief minster (until recently) was a fugitive and was in the run in a murder case. An idiot like Abdul Nasir Madni can carryout serial blasts in one of our cities and still dictate his terms on how and where he should be arrested. A chief minister doesn't know the word development but go on spending thousand of crores on building her and her mentor's statues. A certain joker like M.F.Hussain can portray our goddesses nude as if they are porn stars and still be hailed for his creativity. Among all these and many more such national and democratic casualties we are expected to value our independence and democracy. Quite a huge expectation, I must say. My heartfelt apologies to Bhagat Singh and thousand other great souls - it is difficult to remain patriotic amidst all this.

God give some sense to these leaders and politicians. If not for anyone they should act in a positive manner for the toddlers like my niece. Let these toddlers not lose their faith in their praying . Let them feel proud praying for their leaders and of course proud of our independence and independence day. Hope we will not let this day be a mear 24 hours and only remembered as just another dry day.

Defending The Indefensible

What you do when you were caught with your pants down? Simple - just make a comparison, how others were more naked than you in the past and how your latest nudity is of smaller proportion and get away with it. Well at least this was the mantra off Manish Tiwari, who was on a mission to defend Kalmadi and Co yesterday in the parliament. None the less when he has to say the money syphoned in CWG till date is just 0.07% of the total budget, is quite bizarre.

The collective loot that is going on in our country from the day Pandit Nehru cracked that coconut on the occasion of Bhakra-Nangal stone ceremony is unimaginable. Sameful is the fact that the amount of money that has been looted in last 63 years by our dignified public figures would be much more than the Britishers looted us in their 200 odd years regime. More shameful are chaps like Mr.Tiwari who try to weigh the individual loots in terms of the amount of money that is been pocketed in. It seems he carefully scrutinises individual loot (in terms of money), discards those which doesn't fall into the merit of being called as loot (below 100 crores) and rest are archived to do a nudity comparison later. Somebody correctly said - idiocy has no limits.

You certainly don't need foreigners to loot you, when you have esteemed individuals like Mr.Tiwari roaming around.

Lets not shoot the messenger - many would say. Mr.Tiwari is the spokesperson of a collective psyche of the ruling coalition. It is just that Mr.Tiwari was left to do the dirty work on instructions of his high command, lets not blame the poor chap entirely. Mr.Kalmadi and CWG is just another pair of skeletons the congress party were hiding in their closet. If not for the Sherlock homes attributes of a media house these crooks would have got away with yet another money laundering act only to be unearthed at a time when our grand children would be going around doctors to keep a tap on their respective blood pressure.

Idiocy or not, Mr.Tiwari's confidence while defending the much blackened Kalmadi by virtue of his nonsensical logic is laudable. Laudable because - he was sure that the fool and good for nothing common man would be happy and understand after hearing that it is only about hundred corers that's been syphoned,so it doesn't deserve so much hue and cry. After all when we can gulp down cattle food and toilets of Indira Abas Yojna amounting to few thousand crores and can't do anything about it, we ought to be happy that this time we managed to hold them back below 100. Aren't we?

It seems, defending the corrupts and scoundrels is an art where congress is pioneer at. Not long ago another bolt on Indian democracy was easily let off by the same party in case of 2G scam. The said smart chap pocketed a cool few thousand crores during UPA-I and also had the audacity to demand for the same ministry in UPA-II, which he was gracefully being obliged. None in congress seems bothered about where the country is heading, worse if it actually is heading to the drains. Another class act was the case of a minister who prefers to remain absent from parliament and fly around on tax payer's money. 70% absent and still his case was promptly brushed under the carpet by the ruling party. Another minister thinks she is doing a time pass and honour by taking up the railway ministry. She is least bothered where the railways is heading and busy organizing rallies all around West Bengal with hardcore Maoists to her left and right. Yet her voyage against our government policies were hailed as a peace initiative and defended violently by the same set of crooks in the floor. Wondering why poor Sashi Tharoor was booted out for no apparent crime of his. If he is a culprit then on the scale of crime Kalmadi and others could easily be booked under homicide.

The list is endless. The latest jingoism of defending Kalmadi as the amount of corruption is quite less left many in bad taste, including few in the ruling government (A certain Mani Shanka Aiyer for sure). let me tell you Mr.Tiwari - there is nothing called theory of relativity when it comes to corruption. Doesn't matter if it is of Rs.5/- or 5 crore. Hope some sense prevails and you guys would take a step or two in booting out the serious bolt in Indian sports fraternity called Suresh Kalmadi to begin with. Other investigations can very well continue.

State Inside A State :- Gujarat It Is.

Every time NaMo gets into muddy water he brings out the state vs himself saga. The equation he tries to assert between himself as equivalent to being the state of Gujarat itself is somewhat stupid. Other than his own perception even few congress sleuths like Ashok Chauhan think in the same line. More stupid is not chairing the same dais with AB for AB being the brand ambassador of the state of Gujarat . This funny act of Mr.Chauhan vindicated the self belief of NaMo a big way.

NaMo is always a smart chap when it comes to gain from even the worst of situations. More than anyone it is NaMo who always knew the 2001 Ghodra riot is going to hunt him time and again as per the convenient and political benefit of his opponents. No wonder a smart fellow like him was always prepared to handle the Ghodra storm. It is a fact that NaMo is a great administrator and the growth of Gujarat under him could make chief ministers of other states an envious lot. As they say there is a hidden stupidity behind every great brain - NaMo is no exception. The first line of defence for him is to equate a personal attack on him, or his party or his cabinet is an attack on Gujarat and all Gujjus. That's quite bizarre. I am sure you can do better than this piece of jingoism every time you are in the firing lines NaMo.

Amit Shah is the latest storm which NaMo is trying to negotiate. Touted as his right hand Mr.Shah did no help to the already tainted (if congress folks are to be believed) image of NaMo by getting himself arrested for some stupid encounter (read fake) of a seasoned crook and history sheeter some 4-5 years back. This piece of arrest by CBI has got nothing to do with Ghodra, for a change. NaMo in decks and the reason is not Ghodra - strange I must admit. Money makers like Testa Setelvad should search for other avenues to make money as it is proved now that NaMo can also be be put into all short of troubles by opposition without the help of Ghodra.

It might be politically incorrect - but I don't see the utility of a guy like Shorabuddin (who was apprehended with more than 15 AK-47) in the society at the first place. Fake or real the encounter did served a great purpose to the society by eliminating a hardcore criminal. We should congratulate Mr.Shah and team instead than going around arresting them. Would you stop your blabber and give your smart ass a much needed break - I hear the CBI chaps say. We are not investigating the social stature of that idiot Shorabuddin. What we are investigating is how that rabid mongrel was associated with Mr.Shah in a money extortion racket and how Mr.Shah promptly cleaned this junk from the planet as the dumb ass tried to spill the beans of Mr.Shah. Before you open your rotten mouth again with another of your questions, let us add - we have concrete evidence on this theory as one notoriously maligned character builder from Ahmadabad did confirmed how he paid some 70 odd laks to save his filthy ass from the bullets of state police, who were acting on behest of Mr.Shah. Thank you CBI for divulging these details. I am keeping my mouth shut and you carry on with your investigation - investigating nothing.

OK now the scene is clear - the home minister of Gujarat was the king pin of an extortion racket where an innocent chap with the name Sarabuddin was doing the collection activity by pocking a gun on prospective client's head. He also has a strong affinity towards AK-47 and things like those. Once the collection agent threatened to strip Mr.Shah out of his dhoti, hence the poor chap is eliminated with the help of the state police and the cover up was an encounter of a dreaded criminal who was in a mission to assassinate the Gujarat chief minister. If there is some truth in this bollywood type story then for sure NaMo have a much bigger problem than he perhaps can handle.

But it is still not clear to me how in all this Gujarat was attacked? Where somebody attacked the value and ethics of Gujaraties? NaMo this time you went wrong on the dais where you asked the center if Gujarat is part of India or not and why Gujarat is intentionally attacked. You should be the last person to have any confusion on the geography of Gujarat. It definitely is a part of India, let me clear it, if none of your party members haven't yet confirmed this. A child can know that a single medicine can't be a cure to all deceases. So the Gujarat card might not work always and I am surprised it is still not been understood by a seasoned politician like you. I suggest you to be a little constructive and if you are so sure that your right hand man is a saint incarnated, then get your acts together in proving him innocent and get hold of all those buffoons who are behind this conspiracy as claimed by you.

All the while the CBI is busy doing their interesting bit we have yet another issue to waste our time for. Mr.Kalmadi and Co have gulped down a considerable chunk of public money just like that. I am least bothered about the exact booty that was shared among the organizing committee members but dieing to see the Rs.4 lk air conditioner that our smart guys paid to get their hands on the rare beauty. Oh yes the 8 lks worth tread mill is another of my fascinations to have a mild glimpse at. So let the CBI be at peace and go about their investigation throwing more surprises at us on daily basis. In the mean time we have enough other ingredient to waste our time.