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Monday, April 12, 2010

Indi-Ahh.. TV

Make no mistake. The Ahh.. in the first word actually stands for the pain that just gets transferred to a violent scream, as does Newton's law of Energy suggests. But this transformation has some uniqueness. It all starts either through your eyes or your ears, gradually snowballs to pain of some magnitude before passing out with a scream from your hapless backside. All in one go. Newton might not have fancied much on his theorem having so vivid presence in our day-to-day lives vis-a-vis involving some of the most private parts of our body.

Pain in any form is notorious, more precisely when it involves at least couple of your body parts one of which is the recipient of million punishments for the misdeeds of all other parts from the evolution of human race or so to say when Adam & Eve plucked those forbidden apples and took respective bites.

Pain can't be only physical, and I learned this fundamental aspect of pain the hard way, thanks to the ever growing news channels, few of which are more interested in airing idiocy than news. The whole idea of news has been promptly hijacked by Rajat Sharma and team leaving we lesser mortals searching for solace of our backs and few contemplating ordering steel protective gears to weather all the storm that's being inflicted by this news channel to our poor back holes. All those Tenduas storming the villages, guys promptly falling into bore well holes, Sani Maharaj venting his anger on a section of the society, the falling meteoroids which only confirmed by India TV leaving behind NASA et all grasping for clues, Octopus falling of the trees. What not except any serious or credible piece of news.

I was never a fan of Rajat Sharma nor would be one in a hurry. A part of the reason is out of respect to all other news channels and a part out of self respect to my back. I was quite confident till few days back that I am not the only man having this love-hate relationship with that guy as I was sure all of us love our backside more than anything and won't entirely appreciate it getting all those unspeakable pain administered single handed by Mr.Sharma. Till few days back I was ready to bet close to a million on the fact that Osama Bin Laden might have a handful of fans in US, but this guy Rajat Sharma might not have one single soul in this planet as his fan. Not even his wife. Thankfully I didn't bet it literally or else I would have been ruining on my decision as one of my friend proved me wrong without much of a fuss.

The said friend with a hair style having a striking similarity with that of Mr.Sharma, also shares the same notion when it comes to sharing news. Let it be from how and when the UP government achieved what to the latest info on the taxation slab to the various means of publishing your book to how and where you get the best petrol in the town. You name it, you would get the answer straight back. You think of any garbage then just get yourself hooked with this chap. It's handy when the encyclopedia of garbage is alongside.

Not only the news sharing quality, but interestingly this friend of mine has a unforgivable similarity with India TV when it comes to believing in conspiracy theories. Starting from milk being artificially produced to the polio vaccination racket, from insurance agents syphoning your hard earned money to Indian Oil intentionally adulterating petrol for some quick bucks. International entities like George W. Bush and Barack Obama were also not spared from his conspiracy theories. You utter anything that's being a standard practice and norm for last few decades, you hear a conspiracy emanating from there. Same as all those Chaal, Dhoka, Saazish of all Saas-Bahu operas of Ekta Kapoor. At least one male fan of Ekta Kapoor at the end of the day.

He also has a similarity with India TV, when it comes to narrating stories. Like India TV which has the capacity to air one hour show on how a bull accidentally entered someones bedroom and doing all the bullshit by disturbing the interior and breaking all the woodwork along with tearing apart the Payjama of the hapless chap who was taking an afternoon nap. There you go. An one liner for all is a small story, if not a novel for this friend of mine. Sometime stretching beyond an hour ending up with you forgetting where the whole damn story started. India TV seriously needs this gentleman to assist Rajat Sharma in inflecting more wounds to it's poor viewers.

No wonder with all these qualities and striking similarities the friend in discussion is fondly nicknamed as India TV. Guys seen rushing around him to get some latest garbage on anything and everything. The whole office block gives you a feeling of silence zone on the day this friend decides to give his TV Channel a much needed break. Finally Rajat Sharma has a Fan as well as a serious contender for his post at the same time. Is he happy or worried to the core on loosing out his much famed stature to this lesser known entity of our office. Time will only tell, but I am sure my friend is a tough nut and would give Mr.Sharma a run for his money as being the number one garbage collector of the world and being their at the top.

P.S :- Reveling my friend's name, I feel is injurious to my health and hence refraining from it.

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