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Published On:Sunday, January 8, 2012
Posted by Cynical

A Letter To Our Election Commissioner

Dear Mr. S.Y. Quraishi & Team
 
Let me first thank you for providing the much needed fun quotient on a dull weekend like yesterday. When everything seems going bad for us as a nation, which also includes us getting badly thrashed in Australia, your jumbo shocker for Mayawati bridged the missing humor for sure. I can’t just explain you guys how badly I wished, I could have seen the face of that lady when she heard the news for the first time.
 
At the outset a pat on the back - You guys have travelled a long distance, let me assure you that. Without a certain T.N.Sessan, no one knew if such an institution was ever existing, which literally have powers to strip search the politicians in the middle of the chilly January Delhi night. That was the scenario a couple of decades back, while today everyone knows the in-and-out of the CEC office and most important, its power. From that ‘Main Politicians Ko Kachha Chabata Hun’ Safal advertisement of Sessan to the frequent loo visits of Navin Chawala during important election preparatory meets to update his bosses at 10 Janpath, 7 Racecourse or somewhere in Italy or wherever; the long journey you guys have made is commendable.
 
Remember how politicians used to wet their Dhotis when Sessan was at the helm as the Numero-uno? Sessan was so frightening for many that, to curb his powers our political class installed three EC instead of one. With obstacles that an average honest bureaucrat has to pass through in India you guys have done a brilliant job till now. Barring few hiccups ( Which is fine. Even porn movies show girls fully covered sometime. ) here-and-there, you guys pretty much have done everything right most of the time.
  
That said, I have some concerns regarding your latest out of the world decision regarding UP and it’s upcoming election and hence thought of clearing the unwanted air of confusion that surrounds me.
 
You know what Mr. Quraishi? After yesterday my perception towards your office has changed a little. Now I wonder if we really require an election commissioner in our country. If at all yes, then is it mandated by our constitution that schoolboys should run this institution. The ghastly part of the drama yesterday was the spokesperson of CEC office defending the decision taken to cover all elephants and Mayawati statues till the elections are over. Really? It is something similar like Tatas coming up with a shit called Nano and then defending it as world-class in its segment.
 
Cover all statues of elephants and Mayawati? Heavens why? Even though I wish the statues of Mayawati to be bulldozed and erased to ruins in a manner that would give complex to the Neanderthal Talibanis for erasing Gautama Buddha’s statue in a little pious way; Elephants? Why cover elephants? Elephants don’t wear clothes? Do they? Just because elephants are the poll symbols for BSP, you can’t order them to be covered. Then why spare others? Let’s order to cover all the lotuses (if they are that rampantly available), ask people to lock their cycles in their garage and order people to wear gloves as we can’t chop them off as they ultimately would need their fingers to cast the vote. Does this proposition sound logical Mr. Quraishi? If not then I beg for some answer from you for having this selective amnesia for Mayawati and BSP.
 
Though I am a great hater of Mayawati and her/his (as the looks doesn’t confirm either way) cronies, the decision of yours to give the Luckhnow residents a much needed relief from the sight polluting purse carrying statues, looks a little political. Even though your job involves and revolves around politics and politicians, you guys are expected to remain as apolitical as Sarad Pawar (anyway, he was never related to anything except loot money) to cricket, still being the head of ICC. But No; as it seems Navin Chawala has left a strong legacy of his political bootlicking qualities and there are jokers in CEC office who still take dictations from bosses in power during their once in every ten minutes loo break.
 
I know Mr. Quraishi, your deliberations. I know how this election is important to one Yuvraj of a party to showcase that he can achieve something after camping in that state for last one year; sleeping in the mosquito infected Dalit huts as part of his regular gimmickry and pillion riding a bike multiple times to throw tantrums like mass rape and mass grave in Bhatta-Parsaul. I know how a good performance (more than what the Sydney test was for Virat Kohli) in this election is important for the political career of that gentleman. I know there is a motor mouth who wants to save his own ass and that can only be possible by an improved performance in UP elections for Congress. But it doesn’t anyway mean you start chopping the ethics and values of your institution from the middle as if you were the chief of the vasectomy team of Sanjay Gandhi. If at all anything, the funny decision of yours showed that the CEC doesn’t remain that sacrosanct as we believed it to be and you guys washed of your hands on the hard earned reputation quicker than Sanjeev Nanda washed his BMW.
 
Hope this is one of the odd decisions taken in haste to please few, which would duly be rectified in the course of time and we won’t be surprised by some joke crackers in CEC ever. If our parliament and our democracy are the pillars of our nation, you guys are the caretaker of it. Hope you value the importance of a gardener for the garden as he certainly doesn’t cover the roses with polythene sheets for fear of stealing and destroys the beauty of the garden just because it is Valentine’s Day. Hope we have still got mature heads to run the engine room of the world’s largest democracy.
 
On a lighter note – Pray Sarha Palin doesn’t get the news of your decision or else Americans would have an embarrassing situation if she comes up with a demand to cover all donkeys during next American elections. By the way, what the hell is wrong with your official website http://www.eci.nic.in ? It is even slower than the fastest delivery of Venkatesh Prasad. That is just not done, as we want our CEC office to be fast, furious, ferocious and crisp in every sphere, which also includes a faster download of their shit on the cyber space. Don’t we?
 
Warm Regards
- Someone who hasn't ever missed casting his vote

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

Too Good Buddy...

Anonymous said...

This one was better than Pattinsons bouncer... keep going Mr Persistent Voter.. someday we might be able to select the right govt.

Cynical said...

@Anonymous But there is a catch. Pattinson needs a ball to bowl a bouncer but our ECE can do that without a ball in his hand. Guess we need Mr.Quraishi in Australia to revive our fortune in Perth Test

Anonymous said...

Mediocre decision by a mediocre babu.

I always thought clearing the IAS exams was tough and was only for ppl with high IQs.

How such ppl reach such top positions is a mystery!!!

Anonymous said...

great writing buddy. I congratulate you for giving us this piece of writing which is judiciously sprayed with lots of witticism and cynicism.

Vishwa said...

nice read...

Naveen Gupta said...

I am deeply anguished about such actions to throw a sad nation in the sea by such babus adorning CEC institution. Should this action not be challenged in the courts if possible as an erroneous use of power or misuse of power or the real power wrongly given to them to be selectively misused ? I AM ONLY SAD AND WAIT TO WATCH SUCH SAD THINGS AT SUCH AN OLD AGE.I HAVE NO POLITICAL LEANING BUT LOVE MY COUNTRY BUT FEEL SAD THE COUNTRY'S BAGDOR IN WRONG HANDS.

Anonymous said...

Man, who are u? U write so damn well!
Love your cynicism and peppered talk!
I just discovered your blog today - keep it up :)

Anonymous said...

Excellent blog Sir...!!!
esp. the 'her/his (as the looks doesn’t confirm either way)' and V. Prasad sentences were hilarious...!!! :) :D

Anonymous said...

too good man,,,,keep it up ...

AMBARISH said...

Ha ha ha aha ahahahahahahahaha
......
mast hai...

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