Lunch With The Ten Percent !!

Should I call this funny? Over the weekend the president of the Republic (say this at your own risk) of Pakistan Mr. Asif Ali Zardari decided to pay us a visit. Before we go into the nity-gritty of his visit, let me take this opportunity to thank the president to decide for a change to come himself than sending few pigs on a Dingi. This sudden declaration of a personal visit raised many eyebrows at both sides of the border. It was surprising for many since out of nowhere the otherwise crook and non-religious Zardari with a serious case of moral and ethical bankruptcy decided to turn one holy man overnight and planned to pay his homage at the Ajmer Dargha. 

The sudden announcement of this personal visit of the state head (again say this at your own risk) of our lovely neighbor worked as Glucon-D for our media who off late were having left with only Army Chief – A.K. Antony Lungi pulling episode to report. Along with the media, our otherwise corrupt, lethargic and non-functional government at the center sprang into action with this interesting piece of news and started chalking out the plan for a warm welcome. From the required security arrangements to the receiving dignitaries; all were meticulously planned to provide the best of comforts to the guests. Our prime-minister was so overwhelmed with the news that he announced a personal lunch arrangement to please the taste buds of the president. Even though feeding the needy, hungry and poor is a noble thing, I still wish our prime-minister was even half proactive for the plight of the nation as he is for feeding Zardari.

The day of reckoning finally came this Sunday when Zardari with a team of forty high-end Pakistani officials finally landed at the IGI airport in Delhi. No wonder this high profile personal visit had drawn a lot of interest among the common populace. Thanks to the media again, which once made many to even eagerly wait for the release of ‘Ra.One’, people were more clued and glued to their TV sets to know what Zardari has to offer on this personal visit of his, even though there wasn’t any instance of him offering anything in any of his earlier official visits. People, their perception and expectations were divided from the middle. There were a set of people whom we call intellectuals; a set which even finds the utility of having Navjot Sing Sidhu as a member of parliament, started drawing their own pictures on various 24 X 7 News channel sets. The nonexistent and non-realistic benefits that India can reap from this personal visit were discussed at length even knowing fully that we never were or ever will be benefited from Pakistan or Pakistanis, except Veena Malik. Many argued the timing of this visit can’t have more strategically happened in benefit of India after the recent announcement of a bounty by the US on a Pakistani buffoon called Hafiz Saeed. Though Pakistan has earlier announced the issue of Hafiz Saeed is not in the focus of this visit, our intellectuals who are always in a habit of pouring hot oil on their own posteriors kept on harping on this issue. 

There were a second set of people whom we basically refer as useless (which also includes me). The set which is more interested for the ongoing IPL and the dissatisfaction in seeing the cheer girls covered with censored clothes. This set of people who are more practical than the intellectuals uttering sentences like ‘Larger perspective’, ‘On the contrary’ and ‘At the outset’, were all busy with their Tweets to welcome the president. So no sooner Zardari landed, there was an avalanche of Tweets like ‘Random announcement at IGI going on advising women to protect their handbags and men to protect their women. Zardari must have landed’, ‘Zardari praises the food and the cook but asks for 10% of it to be packed for him to take back home’ or ‘Since the time Zardari landed 3 ATM, 2 water coolers, 7 chairs and 3 airhostesses missing from IGI’. Within no time Zardari and his son Bilawal who resembles Rahul Gandhi in more ways than one were seen trending on Twitter. People made fun of the president in more ways than even Rajnikanth can think of. The so called useless set didn’t even spared the two hire apparent. Let me tell you, the recent UP election debacle didn’t help Rahul Gandhi’s cause either. While Bilawal was made fun for being known by none and yet dreaming of the highest post, Rahul Gandhi was joked off for being known by all as a pile of garbage and still dreaming of the highest post. All-in-all it looked like one big boring Suraj Barjatiya movie where all ends well. The guests were fed well, they were treated with some personal favorite delicacies of Manmohan Sing, nobody discussed embarrassing entities like Hafiz Saeed or Kasab, Advani remained largely silent, Madam Gandhi skipped the lunch yet again, Digvijay Sing never accused the bad taste of the Dal Makhani as an RSS propaganda and the most important of all. Nobody addressed Rahul Gandhi as uncle. Not even Bilawal. They came, they were treated well, they donated 5 crore (not sure if hard-earned or 10% magic) and they flew back; just sums up the visit.

Keeping the fun on the side for a moment – what we as a nation got out of this visit and the grand buffet? Where were the discussions on the issues that need some immediate attention? Was it really paramount for the prime-minister to discuss on resuming bilateral cricket ties, giving a miss to many important and relevant issues?

• Why none asked Zardari about his real intention in dealing with people like Hafiz Saeed

• Why Zardari is not asked to come out clean on the ‘Terrorism as a state policy’ framework that Pakistan follows

• What about delivering justice to 26/11 victims. What Zardari as a state head doing when all the perpetrators are roaming free in his country

• Why his government in connivance with ISI and many terror organizations like LeT, JuD are playing water politics when the issue can very well be discussed across the table

• Why his so called state actors like ISI and External affairs ministry unnecessarily poking their nose into an entire internal matter of India like Kashmir

When the questions were literally many, our prime-minister washed them off conveniently over a plate of high quality Shami Kebab. Yet again an opportunity to set the ball rolling in real sense (not those hogwash bilateral talks) was wasted against some Dum Biriyani. While way too many reasons (read excuses) for being so overtly friendly can be furnished, which also includes that ridiculous ‘Aatithi Devo Bhaba’ nonsense; yet the missed opportunity can’t be ignored. We threw away this golden chance by design and let’s admit it. That said, as they say there is always a silver lining around the dark clouds. For once we showed who the boss is. While the president of Pakistan roams around with only 40 of his men our useless president flies around with 90 of them. Take this Pakistan!! 

P.S – None of the food served during the lunch was prepared by Pratibha Patil, even though she is a certified good cook so much so that it earned her the president ship. So people are advised to ignore the rumor doing the rounds that Pratibha Patil is not that good at Paneer Khurma which none of the delegates ate beyond the first spoon.