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Wednesday, October 29, 2014

I Am The City Of Delhi Speaking

Team Being Cynical

Dear whoever is reading this,

I am the city of Delhi speaking. Now why I am speaking after prolonged silence has its own reasons. Before you run away remembering your boring and highly forged school history books let me assure you that, I am not hear to narrate my history. I am sure you all have gone through the ordeal of reading those falsifications about me and those who ruled over me for centuries in your text books. Few of you might also have got caned by your history teacher for not remembering the untruth properly. I am sorry for those unfortunate eventualities. I am not going to make you revisit that pain again. I am here to explain and elaborate the history that I withstood after independence and more so, the hidden truths that never would be opened for general public to consume. Well, why they won’t be opened? The reasons are obvious – to protect the fraud image of few. Hope, my narration would be far better and more interesting than your notorious history books. By the way, I had warned you some time back to not take the ‘distorians’ like Romila Thapar or that Ramachandra Gu or something too seriously. They are liars and would only sell you snake oil in the name of education. Nevertheless, to err is human. Let’s unlearn the untruth and learn the facts all over again.

For starters, I am not sure why I was made the capital of India. Seriously, I don’t know why. The closest that I can imagine could be a valid reason is the obtainability of market ready crooks and goons in and around Delhi. States like UP and Haryana are the fountain head in mitigating more than half of India’s felons and vagabonds demand. And you know how these ornamental species called hoodlums and staves are the backbone of our political system. Had the capital been there in say Bangalore or Nagpur or Bhubaneswar, our politicians would have struggled great lot to gather as many goons as they can arrange in Delhi within no time. Barring this reason, I don’t see why I should be made the capital of India of all the places. Anyway, I am the capital city and there is no denying this. And in fact I am happy for this status symbol tucked behind my name.

Let’s get back to the asli mudda. Since independence I have seen many governments and many priministers. From Jawaharlal Nehru to this Modi chap, I have seen them all. Keeping apart a couple of them, rest all are classic touts, if you ask me. People like Nehru and Indira Gandhi might have awarded Bharat Ratna to themselves but trust me; they have done much damage to the entire country including me. Same is the case with Rajiv Gandhi. He was taken out straight from the cockpit and thrown in my lap from nowhere. I still do that ROFL thing by just remembering that ‘big tree falls and earth shakes’ or some nonsense to that effect statement. He was a class act and I was relieved when 1989 eventually arrived. After that it was complete mayhem. I had to even tolerate a never seen species called Devegowda for some time. Would you believe; something as repugnant as Devegowda? Least talked about that Sardar is better. His silence was killing me during his regrettable tenure of 10 long years. Absolute garbage was getting piled on me and I was suffocating for some fresh air but this Sardar always looked the other way. I always thought he would act today but he kept on waiting for the instructions coming via SMS in his mobile from somewhere. Still I remained silent since these priministers and the hoard of parliamentarians were only polluting my presence while I never had any direct interaction with them. They were there for the nation, you see. I was just treated as the place holder of all the filth they were churning out every day. I was still fine with that arrangement. But all hell broke loose from the day I was designated as a state. Like me being there as the capital of the country, why I was made a state is still a mystery for me. And I am sure few of you still are burning midnight oil to figure out the reasons in making me a state. Believe me; my condition in pursuit of some credible reasons is no different.

There was the advent of something very interesting called Shiela Dixit. Since she arrived, crocodile tears got a whole new meaning. I am sure she could easily be the politician in this entire planet who would have wept in front of cameras for every damn thing. Along with Shiela Madam, the goons of UP, Bihar and Haryana made progress in their endeavor. Girls got raped left-right-and-center. But Shiela madam just kept on crying. They decided to host something as dreaded as CWG here. I don’t know what happened to that thing but for sure they looted the public money as if it is their birth right. I begged and pleaded to spare me and my reputation in front of the world but the thugs kept on looting till nothing was left there to be looted any more. I just gave one example while in reality Shiela Begum’s stay for 15 years was an unavoidable torture for me. When finally she was shown the door, I was relieved for the second time in my life. But you know there is something called destiny? And my destiny was destined to see the worse. How foolish of me to think the worst went past along with Shiela Dixit. Post Shiela madam the last 8 months is a rude joke on my face. I had seen abject dishonesty, game of playing Ostrich and loot but never had encountered so much shamelessness that I had to endure in last 9 months. I never thought I have to accommodate first grade jokers as constituents as well.

What is his name? Some Kejriwal or Khujliwal or something. See, I hear people refer him by both these names though the later name has higher percentage. By the way few refer him as Bhagoda as well but I don’t take that name too seriously. Could be his nickname may be. So bottom line: not quite aware what his real name is. Or may be like Chanakya and Kautilya this guy has dual names to his credit. Nevertheless I couldn’t care less and as it is his Mufflers are too annoying for me to think anything beyond the basics of this man. I don’t know from where he came here but since the time he landed here he has made Agra mental asylum look a saner and better place than me. I am told he won some 28 odd seats in the assembly elections. I am also told he has a blue WagonR which he always takes along with him except while visiting the loo. He talked a lot about fixing the broken windows of me once he is made the CM of Delhi. I was happy to see such a Muffler wearing brave heart. I was happy that there is some inferno in Delhi who will screw each and every tout here for good. But alas he screwed me instead when he came to power. Touts remained untouched while I was screwed brutally by him and a bunch of clowns from his circus factory. While Shiela cried for 15 years and neglected me this chap screwed me while discarding my presence altogether. And when people turned sympathetic towards my plight and started hurling tough questions at him he conveniently let loose a third grade poet to deal with the masses with his filthy poems. Would you believe; like insult to injury, I was made to listen his filthy poems day-in-and-day-out. That itself calls for some harsh treatment for that rowdy poet. What his name by the way? Ohh, yes – Kumar Bakwash or something. If you find him in your vicinity please take him to task for mentally torturing me for last 2 and half years. 

Thankfully my ordeal didn’t last long. One fine morning after 49 days of humongous torture the Muffler man along with his gang of clowns vanished from Delhi all of a sudden. I had this shy of relief. But my happiness was short lived since I was told the gang has moved ahead to screw the nation instead. Well, I am part of the nation itself. So how I could feel relieved? But destiny has some good news in store for me after all. The gang finally got screwed by the voters and got to taste their own medicine. That day was May 16th when for the first time I laughed my lungs out after 6 decades or so. But it seems happiness and me don’t quite gel well. The smile was barely disappearing from my face when I saw the Muffler man landed in Delhi along with his gang of louts again; this time with more vigor and vengeance. I can see in his eyes that he would employ newer tricks of screwing if given a chance again. He is a dangerous man, not only for me but also for the entire nation. He must be stopped in his nefarious intent or else there won’t be much left with me for you to take pride of. Though he is touting around of his earlier mistakes but the very look of him points to dishonesty. I am tired of his rent-a-Dharna ideology. I want to be governed not screwed. And this man knows nothing about governance. He only knows how to make farce and run around funny with his tail up, closely followed by his equally notorious cohorts.

Please spare me from this joker of a creature. For once, I can tolerate another humiliation of Shiela Madam type for next 15 years but not this faggot. Please thrash this man like never before when you get a chance to vote. Won’t you do this much for your beloved capital? Won’t you save me from this tout called Kejriwal, Khujliwal or Bhagoda or whatever?

Thanking you in advance.

Warm Regards
Your beloved city Delhi  

4 comments:

  1. Interesting read. I am still grinning wide there by remembering the words and exclamations of the post. Keep it up dear BC.

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  2. Yaar BC, what's wrong with these tribal mullas? Just saw the so called shahi mulla invited porkistan pm and not Modiji.

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  3. This shows you never lived in Delhi, or if you live or lived, you never felt being Delhi.
    One thing I did not expect from you...
    You may be strong Congress and AAP opponent or staunch BJP supporter, it is perfectly okay. You may have anti-Muslim sentiments and strong Hindutva beliefs, also perfectly okay, but using words like "Khujliwal" is not expected from you. I know many people using words like this for Mr. Kejriwal or Pappu for Mr. Rahul Gandhi or pheku for Mr. Modi, they are just common readers. You are running a website and it is not expected from you. In your life, you will meet many people who are strongly opposed to your beliefs and ideas, and many times they may be right or wrong, but maintaining decency is always expected from a writer.
    Also, I think Kejri is a name used for Lord Hanuman, and if you are replacing it with Khujli, you are equally guilty with people like Amir Khan who you are opposing strongly these days.
    Hope you understand.

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  4. 'few' and 'a few' there is a difference

    ReplyDelete

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