Thursday, August 16, 2012
How To Avoid Giving Bribe In India
I did received a lot of complain because of my post criticizing the repeated hunger strikes of Anna Hazare and Baba Ramdev on issues of corruption. I even been accused of becoming a paid writer for Congress (not denying that I never been approached though) of late. That was hurting since I always kept my blog a free thought page where I always loved to call a spade a spade and allowed my esteemed readers to post the comments straight from their hearts. I never ever deviated from truth and never ever shied away from scribing down whatever I felt is right. Not to mention, I never cared for any reparations or criticisms since I always believed, while truncheon could be used in lieu of conversation words will always retain their power and words for sure offer means to meaning for all those who are ready to listen to the enunciation of truth.
In most of the comments that I received, I was accused of being just a critic with no suggestions of route B whatsoever. I agree, it is really very easy to criticize but equally tough to suggest, which is only evident from the fact that you will always find complain boxes everywhere but no suggestion or appreciation boxes. Partly because no one will care to drop in with suggestions and another part because no one seldom will have any suggestions in comparison with the veracity of the complains they would normally have. So the truth is, it is really a tough task to appreciate anyone and even tougher to suggest an alternative route B.
Hence as expected the question that is thrown at me is, if not Dharna then what? How in earth people can suppress the rampant corruption from their day to day lives? How we can make sure that next time we visit a government office for some work and we come out jolly without being hounded by the cunning bribe takers? I promised one such aggrieved reader of mine that I will come up with my suggestion/s on how one can avoid giving bribe in today’s time. I know guys, it is as tough as admitting you find Arjuna Ranatunga macho and handsome. But still, when there is an Adarsh there always would be a Vilashrao Deshmukh. So let’s see how we can avoid, if not eliminate corruption from our society. So in this part, lets tackle three of the most corrupt in our country.
An Average Government Office Babu: These are the most irritating piece of creatures after the Chinese. Half of the chaos that we see in this nation, including the pillow fights between husbands and wives is because of these government appointed mafias. From the look itself (hell with their attitudes) they appear jiggered and scoundrels of best quality. But you need to give it to them; they know ways and means which you never imagined could exist to deny doing your work. From the regular excuse of a missing or mismatch signature they even would go ahead and deny doing your work because you happened to wear red color Rupa underwear instead of Blue color Jockey while filling up the application form. But that is not something which should dishearten you, if you agree to follow the exact steps mentioned below.
i. Always wear a white color Shirt while going to a government office since our dumb asses there feel, it is the prerogative of all government officials to wear only white while out for work since it hides all the dirt within. So as the first impression you might just be mistaken as yet another of those corrupt government official. Someone from their own corrupt brethren. This automatically builds a soft corner among the corrupt hawks sitting at the other side of the table. Try using a pair of glasses for better effect and trust me a big Banarashi Paan would do no harm either.
ii. Hand over your application smartly without uttering a single word as if you care Nithyananda for the joker sitting across the table and take out your phone from your pocket in a manner like someone has given you a call. Say a loud hello and talk on the phone on some imaginary RTI application status and what dangerous steps you are going to take once you get the reply, with even a louder voice. Mention couple of reputed lawyers of the city with a very friendly manner.
iii. While conversing with that imaginary fellow, glance at the name of the Babu on his table block (make sure Mr. Babu sees it while you are at it) and loudly pronounciate his name by saying ‘I am at so and so office, standing in front of so and so officer for so and so work’ and tell an expected time required to finish your job as if it is a cake walk and routine stuff for you.
iv. Hang up the phone after promising to meet the imaginary caller over a drink in the evening at the most posh club of the city which is known for having the who’s – who of the town hobnobbing there all the time.
v. Look at the Mr. Babu with a straight face giving an expression that you even don't entertain minimal nonsense and your fulltime job is to screw corrupt thugs like him at the slightest hint of dereliction and then ask (a little mixing of order won’t harm at all) the idiot to get over with your work without even wasting a second in scratching his balls.
I am sure; it will work most of the times. If not, then please share the steps you take and I will add/modify my suggestion accordingly
Our Traffic Cops: these guys are jokers. And trust me when I say this. Realize, most of the time it is you who want to get off the hook with minimal fine for your mistakes that leads to you paying bribe to these rascals. The thumb rule to snub these scoundrels is to readily agreeing to pay the legitimate fine in exchange of an official Chalan. And to give you some info, all that you pay as official government fine is tax exempted and can very well be filed in your returns. So you crib about corruption in day-to-day life, first start paying genuine fines. Now the problem with these clowns is if you are wrongly apprehended, like your car being towed away for wrong parking. Follow these steps if you are sure you haven’t parked it at an entirely wrong place.
i. Ask him to show pictures to prove that you have parked wrongly. It is mandatory for traffic cops to produce pictorial evidence to suggest that you have parked wrongly, broken a red light or even speeding away in the speed limit zone. All of them are provided with digital cameras to felicitate such guidelines and it is your right to ask for proof to corroborate the mistake that you are charged with.
ii. If he can’t furnish any such proof and still remains adamant, tell him that you are leaving your vehicle there and going straight to the Traffic commissioner’s office to complain. Threaten him that it is now his responsibility to guard your vehicle and return it to you at your home, failing which you may be tempted to file an FIR for vehicle theft. He bloody has got no authority to pick your vehicle just like that.
iii. Don’t show him your driving license or vehicle papers just because he is asking. As per rules he has to furnish a reason for such request before you comply. He has no business in stopping random people on roads and ask for papers, just because he is been employed as a traffic cop. His job is to smooth and control the traffic, not add chaos to it.
Our Politicians: Guys, if you say you are time and again hoodwinked by our political class, then believe me it is a self-grown problem. Boss, go out and vote if you feel you have got entirely the wrong set of bastards ruling you. For me if you feel voting is not important but only showing episodic outrage is then sorry mate I care rat ass if you get exploited by the political class, whom you had all the chance on voting day to change. You bloody deserve it. Now please don’t complain that all those who fight elections are highway robbers. Could be, but still, there has to be some kind of light at the end of the tunnel. Our rabid politicians must know that, we are angry on them and if we are angry we will ruin their political career quicker than the Bollywood career of Jugal Hanshraj. A fear neurosis need to be imparted in their brains.This is it for this episode guys. I will furnish few more rascals and ways to handle those bastards in Part-II of it. So watch out.